Section I. Psychology

Topic 5. Psychology of communication. Business conversation

Communication is a manifestation of the fundamental properties of a person's psyche that cannot live, create, work outside this process. Personality is formed through communication and attitude towards the outside world. The individual always retains this feature, even when alone with him (in the preparation of the report, the student mentally leads a discussion with fellow students, as with his opponents, selects examples, facts, responses argument). Social experience shows that the level of competence of the head is determined not only by its professional qualities, but also by the ability to competently, productively communicate with the personnel of his company, the institutions. Therefore, the head, caring for his authority, should know the essence, means, types and mechanisms of communication. Send this art - it means to achieve success in your activities.

5.1. Means, species, communication functions

Communication is a complex socio-psychological process of establishing and developing contacts between people, generated by the needs for joint activities and includes the exchange of information, the development of the interaction strategy, perception and understanding of the partner. In social terms, it acts as a means of transmitting human culture and experience. Its specificity is that the interlocutors reveal their subjective world each other, manifest individual features.

• material communication - exchange of objects and products of human activity for existence and development;
• cognitive - Transfer of knowledge, skills, skills;
• conditioned - the mutual influence of people to create a state of physical and psychological readiness for any useful work (for example, to learning);
• motivational - transfer to each other motives, installations, motifs for action in a certain direction;
• actors - Exchange skills, operations, skills with the aim of improving practice.

Communication varies by:

• The number of participants: interpersonal, group, mass;
• Fashion: verbal (language, speech), non-verbal (facial expression, gesting);
• Corresponding position: Contact (Personal), remote (for example, through funds mass media);
• Conditions: official (organized meetings), unofficial ( own initiative);
• Tasks: installation (for the purpose of dating), information (communication);
• Means: Immediate (hand, head, voice sounds), indirect (trail, radio, television), direct (opportunity to see, hear, feel), indirect (through intermediaries).

Communication channels, adequate sense authorities:

1. Visual;
2. Auditory;
3. Tactile (touch);
4. Somatosensory (kinesthetic, feeling of his body).

People have peculiarities in the perception of the outside world and other person (social perception). They are divided by visuals, audials, kinesthetics:

1. visales - prefer to see everything with their own eyes, love to rise above the partner;
2. audials - perceive reality through auditory images: music, speech, sounds;
3. kneetetics are experiencing (emotionally) by means of their body.

By logical foundation, such communication channels can be called: direct, indirect, controlled indirect:

1. direct channel - transmission of information explicitly;
2. indirect (indirect) - mined information in order to control or add-on to what was previously accepted;
3. managed indirect channel - The message perceived as unintended is filed as a completely intentional (convincing tone in a dubious situation).

Styles of communication (in direction):

1. Supportable - the need for people, concern;
2. Aggressive - the need to achieve success by control over others;
3. Substituted - preservation of distance, privacy.

Types of communication (in direction):

1. Altruistic (Help others);
2. Manipulant (pursuit of their own goal);
3. Missionary (non-interference, careful influence).

Others are also available: cooperation, compromise, rivalry (insisting on their own), fixture (conservation of relationships), avoidance (unpleasant).

Means of communication:

• Language - the system of words, expressions and rules of their compounds in a logical speech;
• Intonation - emotional expressiveness, capable of attaching a different shade of any phrase;
• Mimica, Pose, View - can enhance or refute the meaning of the said;
• Gestures are generally accepted or expressive (for expressiveness);
• Distance interlocutors - depends on the degree of their confidence, cultural and national traditions.

The speech select the pace, volume, intonation, which allows you to determine the emotional state of the individual, its relation to the transmitted message.

A person cannot consciously control the entire sphere of means of communication. Therefore, often even what he wants to hide, manifests itself, for example, through the movement of the hands, the expression of the eyes, position of the legs, etc.

Message strategy:

1. Open - closed (closed communication - the reluctance or inability of one of the partners clearly bring their point of view, information);
2. Monologic - dialogic;
3. Role-playing (socio-role) is a personal ("soul").

An important question in communication is openness, i.e. Not only the sincerity of the speaker, but also the ability to unbialy perceive the partner. High culture gives confidence that you will be correctly understood.

Tactics of communication are the implementation of the strategy in a specific situation on the basis of knowledge and possession of equipment, rules and receptions of communication.

Types of communication:

• Contact masks (formal communication) - the absence of the desire to understand the partner, take into account his individual features. The familiar stamps (politeness, severity, diligence, calm, etc.), the narrowness of facial expressions, gestures, a set of phrases, which allows you to hide a true attitude to the interlocutor;
• Primitive communication - Human is evaluated, based on its utility. Needed - actively come into contact, prevents - they will not notice, they got the desired - they will push off;
• Formally role, when the content and means of communication are regulated, instead of studying the individual, the knowledge of social (official) functions is fulfilled;
• Business communication - the psychological qualities of the individual, character traits, motifs, mood are taken into account. However, the interests of the case are greater, more significant than possible personal discrepancies;
• Spiritual communication of friends- they can talk without words, using the expression of the face, intonation using gestures, movements;
• Manipulative communication - Pursues one goal: Extract benefits from a partner using different techniques (revenge, intimidation, "allowing dust in the eye", deception, demonstration of kindness, courtesy, etc.);
• Secular communication - Its essence - in freeness, i.e. People say not what they think, but what is supposed in any cases.

Communication functions

In psychology there are many classifications of communication functions.

According to the criterion, the purpose of communication is allocated eight features:

1. contact - setting the status of readiness for receiving and transmitting messages;
2. information - exchange messaging, information, design;
3. motivating - stimulation of subscriber's activity;
4. coordination - mutual agreement of action;
5. understanding - perception and understanding of the meaning of communication, installations, intentions;
6. aMOTIVITY - excitement in the interlocutor of the necessary emotional experiences;
7. setting relationships - awareness of its place in the system of role-playing, business, interpersonal relations of the collective, in which a person acts;
8. influence - change the state and behavior of the partner, incl. His opinions, intentions, installations, needs, etc.

We will consider the generalized option - three functions (they are called parties, aspects) Communication:

1. Communicative (information exchange);
2. Interactive (organization of interaction);
3. Perceptive (perception and formation of the image of another person).

Communicative communication function.

Communication is the process of bilateral exchange of information leading to a mutual understanding (communication (Lat. Communicatio) is an act of communication, a connection between two or more individuals based on mutual understanding; information message in one person to another or a number of people.). In their activities, people exchange among themselves various ideas, ideas, interests, moods, etc. This is the information of human communication, which is not simply sent, but is formed, refined, develops.

The communicative side of communication has its own specifics:

• Communication is not just a movement of information. Here we are dealing with the attitude of two individuals, and each of them acts as an active subject (their mutual informing involves the establishment of joint activities). The importance of information is due to the fact that it is not just accepted, but also understandless, understood;
• The exchange of information provides for mutual influence, psychological impact on the partner's behavior in order to change it. At the same time, participants must have a unified coding system, i.e. When signs and their values \u200b\u200bare known;
• Barriers are possible in communication. On the one hand, the lack of a single understanding of the current situation (social aspect), on the other, - obstacles can be a psychological character due to personal features (secrecy, distrust, incompatibility, etc.).

Verbal and non-verbal means of communication

(Verbal (lat. Verbalis) - verbal, oral.)

Verbal Communication - This is oral and written speech, i.e. As a sign system is the language. Its structure includes:

• The meaning and meaning of words, phrases;
• Speech sound phenomena (voice height modulation is smooth, sharp; rhythm is an uniform, impetuous; the timbre is rolling, hoarse, creaky; tonality - high, low; diction; intonation; tempo speech - fast, medium, slow). They are studying paralynguistics;
• Expressive voices - specific sounds - laughter, chunk, crying, whisper, breaths; separation sounds - cough; Zero - pauses, nasalization - "Hmm-hm", "uh" and others. They are studying the extralyinguistics.

Oral speech form is a monologue and a dialogue. Many factors affect the effectiveness of communication. Among them are intentions - moods, installations involving the activity of interaction of partners; Including them in joint activities; Availability feedback (allows you to reveal the accuracy of perception of the meaning of information); skills and abilities.

Although it is a versatile communications tool, it is complemented by the use of other iconic systems. Scientists believe that the word communication is 7%, sounds and intonation - 38%, non-Eugene interaction - 53% (according to other data to 80%).

Non-verbal communication.

1. Kinstika - explores the external manifestations of feelings and emotions (there is a total motility of various parts of the body; it is a mimic, gesting, pantomime;
2. Taucia - studies touch, handshake, kisses, touching, stroking, repulsion, etc.;
3. Proxemic - considers the norms of the spatial and temporary organization of communication;
4. Visual communication ("Eye Contact") is an important addition to speech communication.

Mimic - the movement of the muscles of the person showing the emotional state; She is able to give a true "picture" about what is experiencing a person. Mimic expressions carry 70% of the information, i.e. Eyes, eyebrows, nose, mouth, chin are capable of saying more than words (it is believed that a person is trying to hide his information (or lies) if his eyes meet with the eyes of a partner less than 1/3 of the time conversation.).

By its specific, the glance may be:

• Business - fixed in the area of \u200b\u200bthe forehead of man;
• Secular - lowered to the level of lips;
• Intimate - directed not to the partner's eyes, but below the face - to other parts of the body to the chest line;
• Suspicious (critical) is a view of a spark.

When communicating, gestures are important.

Types of gestures:

• gestures - estimates (singer scrubbing, pulling the index finger along the cheek, stacking and curing);
• confidence gestures (connection of fingers in the pyramid dome, swaying on a chair);
• gestures of nervousness and uncertainty (pinching palm, tapping on the table with your fingers);
• self-monitoring gestures (hands are headed behind his back, the pose of a man sitting on a chair and clinging his hands in the armrests);
• expectation gestures (rubbing palms, etc.);
• negation gestures (folded hands on the chest or crossed, deviation of the housing back, touching the tip of the nose);
• location gestures (applying hands to the chest, intermittent touch to the interlocutor);
• gesture of domination (putting down the thumbs on the show, sharp crackles from top to bottom);
• gestings of insincerity ("cover with hand of the mouth", "touching the nose", turning the housing away from the partner, "running glance").

Gestles can be divided into five groups:

1. Gesture-illustrators. Messages:
   • pointers;
   • pictographers (pictures of the image - "Here is such a figure");
   • kinetographs - movement of the body;
   • gestures - "Bits" ("otmashka");
   • ideographs (movement with hands connecting submitted objects together);
2. Gesture regulators - show the attitude of the speaker to something - either (smile, nodded, direction of view, hands);
3. Emblems gestures are substitutes for words and phrases (for example, compressed hands at the breast level mean - "Hello", raised above the head - "Goodbye");
4. Adaptors gestures - a person's habits associated with the movement of hands (scratching, twitching some parts of the body; passing partner's touch and duty; stroking; disordering items located near (buttons, handle));
5. Inffector gestures - express through the movements of the body and muscles of certain emotions.

Pantomimik reflects the motorcy of the whole body, pose, posture, gait, slopes. These dynamic positions characterize the psychological state of the individual, including the readiness and desirability of communication or sensitivity to this.

Proxemic - is that time and space carry a semantic load in communication.

Select four zones (distances) in interpersonal contact:

1. Intimate (15 cm) - only close, well-known people are allowed into it. Here are confidence in confidence, a quiet voice, touch;
2. Personal or personal (45-120 cm) - designed for an ordinary conversation with friends and colleagues and implies visual contact;
3. Social (120-400 cm) - is observed during official meetings in office premises, as a rule, with those that are not well known;
4. Public (over 400 cm) - implies communication with a large group of people - at a rally, in a lecture audience.

Different relations of people among themselves can be expressed in what place they occupy at the table:

B1 - the angular location is characteristic of those who are engaged in a relaxed conversation;

B2 - the position of joint activities, partnership, equality;

B3 is a competing-defensive line, where the table is the barrier;

B4 is an independent position for not wanting to interact.

Over square (official) table holds business conversations, emphasizing subordination. Here the cooperation relationship is established by the boss most of all with those who are near. Round (unofficial) - designed for trusting communication, "convenience" of discussion.

Interactive communication feature.

It is associated with the development of the strategy, the tactics of the interaction of people.

Communication involves changing the behavior and activities of another person. Here it (communication) acts as interpersonal interaction. His signs:

1. Availability external goal (object), the achievement of which is determined by joint efforts;
2. Explacation - accessibility to observe from and registering by other individuals;
3. Cattility - sufficiently strict regulation with specific conditions of activity, intensity, norms and rules of relations;
4. Reflective multivalism - The dependence of the perception of interaction on the conditions for its implementation and assesss of people participating in them.

Joint activity should be accompanied by mutual understanding. Understanding is a form of interaction of individuals, aware of the content and structure of this and possible regular action of a partner who understand the feelings and moods experienced by them, which contribute to the achievement of a real goal and a concrete result.

Types (types) of interaction.

They are usually divided into two opposite groups:

1. Positive - cooperation, consent, adaptation, association;
2. Negative - Competition, Conflicts, Opposition, Dissociation.

Cooperation is an ordering, coordination of the efforts of the participants, their productive cooperation.

Perceptual communication feature.

It includes the process of forming an image of another person (this is achieved by the "reading" of his mental properties and behavioral features), causes perception and understanding of the partner and self-understanding and establishing mutual understanding and interaction on this basis.

Social perception mechanism:

• Identification (identification, approaching yourself.);
• Reflection (awareness of how a person is perceived by others (understanding by reflection by the partner).);
• Empathy (feeling - formed its attitude towards a person).

Interpersonal perception - This is an interaction having two sides: evaluation and change of some characteristics of subjects, thanks to the fact of their presence. At the same time, they strive to interpret the behavior and the reasons for its causing. In the face of lack of information for interaction, its attribution, "Compassion" begins. This is called attribution.

Important in perception is attached to the installation in communication. Often the formation of the first impression of a person depends on this characteristic.

In the course of interpersonal perception, errors are possible. They are based on various effects:

1. The effect of "haloe" is a kind of "stigma" on the image of an individual, which prevents seeing its real behavior. During communication by attributing, an installation is formed on a previously existing idea of \u200b\u200bthis personality;
2. The effect of "primaryness" - arises when perceiving a person and depends on the order and significance of the information confined to him. Presented earlier information, although they are opposite to the latter, play a crucial role;
3. The effect of "novelty" - is that new information is the most effective;
4. The effect of "stereotype" - due to insufficient experience and information and exists in the form of a sustainable image. As a result, there is prejudice to people.

In the process of perception, there is not just perception of a partner, but an emotional relationship arise. The mechanism of their formation is studied by an attraction. The attraction is the formation of the attractiveness of one person for others, the mechanism of development of attachments, friendly feelings, sympathies and love. Techniques (methods) of its formation:

• "Proper name" - It is necessary to contact by name and patronymic - it is nice for the interlocutor, it causes positive feelings, forces it to be more open, predisposed to productive conversation;
• Man's face - "Soul Mirror" - Mimic is almost not amenable to control, it can be judged by a valid attitude to the partner. Friendly expression, a smile testify to good intentions;
• "Golden words" - do not bother to compliments, praise, approval in which each participant needs;
• "Patient Listener" - ability to listen to a person, give him the opportunity to speak, in every way to contribute to this;
• "Knowledge of people" - about marital status, hobbies, individual characteristics, psychological qualities of the person.

Three main rules for the regulation of relationships:

1. First - Interesting activities are affected by the positive relations of people. She involves her participants in informative business and personal contacts, allows you to get closer to each other, find attractive features. At the same time, poorly delivered work is a reason for discontent, contradictions, conflicts;
2. Second - take care of the preservation of effective links, given this when distributing orders and tasks to performers, not to break the sympathies that have established groups;
3. Third - Justice of the head. If he avoids such mistakes as opposition to experts, excessive seizing of some and rude crowns of others, thoughtless encouragement of rivalry, then it will create a favorable socially psychological conditions for the convergence of people.

5.2. Art of communication

The ability to competently communicate - the key to success in the activities of any person. Life, practice has developed a number of rules, sticking to which you can prevent the conversations in the conversation, look in brushing, to achieve the goals in a timely manner. What are these rules?

! Be polite!

• Politeness must be grafted since childhood. Every child is important to know: entering the room where people are, you need to say hello; indecent to interfere in someone else's conversation; You can not interrupt the interlocutor while he does not express his point of view. When arriving in the teacher class, all students get up. This also applies to adults: when a lady comes to you in the Cabinet old man - Do not forget to rise and greet them;
• Speech, gesture, Mimica, is of great importance in communication. If a friend can be expressed as a request: "Pass (those) this book ...", then to the unknown - "Be kind to convey to me ...". The conversation requires shades and tonality. Under any situations, it is impossible to raise a voice, especially for a lady, to allow a mental relationship;
• When you meet, always represent the younger senior, a man of a woman;
• Chatting with someone, strive to stand face to a person, be unacceptable to distract and look around;
• In disabilities to whiten, to admire in the presence of others;
• Entering the audience (room), it is recommended to stay a little bit on the threshold to navigate in the situation, otherwise you can make some kind of oversight;
• Lifting or dropping the stairs with the lady, the cavalier should be ahead to protect it from any surprises;
• The door opens (and then sticks it) a man and misses the woman. The same procedure and when landing in transport, but from it, a gentleman comes out first and helps a companion (or in need of helping person);
• In a unconscious society, lead yourself exactly, do not emphasize the difference in the social situation, unworthy of respect is either arrogance, nor self-esteem;
• Follow the gestures. They often testify to raising more than words and should be pie. In dismissal waving his hands, pat partner on the shoulder. Excessive grimaces can create an impression. Friendly smile, friendly facial expression bring you a good mood.

! Hell listen and talk!

And how many farewell expressions?

• "Bye!" - applied in any situation;
• "Goodbye!" - parting for a long time;
• "Allow me to say goodbye!", "Let me decorate!" - used in the official situation;
• "Well, be healthy!", "Happily!" - Distributed among friends or loved ones;
• "Until!" - Usually uses young people.

Of great importance in the dialogue should be given a tonality, which forms emotional comfort. It is important and how we say: loudly - quietly, fast - slowed down. Pay attention to the tempo of speech. The tempo of speech in various nations:

• the Germans have 20-30 words per minute (in women - 30-40);
• italians have 35-40 words per minute (in women - 40-50);
• brazilians have 35-40 words per minute (in women - 50-58);
• arabs have 18-20 words per minute;
• eskimos have 12-20 words per minute;
• finns have 10-12 words per minute.

It is necessary that you understand you without any difficulty.

If a person says a lot, he spends energy. After work, teachers, teachers, artists, guides, etc. feel soothable.

Win shyness!

For this there are many ways (techniques):

• First of all, strive to be a pleasant, pretty personality. Welcome people first. According to the answers, you can judge with whom you should start a conversation. Have a few "lungs" in stock, at the right moment it is very useful to you. Specify the interlocutor questions, interest it and talk it, insert "smart" expressions yourself;
• Your appearance Must be sure. Chatting, raise your head, straighten your shoulders, look into the partner's eyes, and then your thoughts will be slender, laconic (do not forget to internally repeat such phrases: "I am a smart and interesting person," "I am a decent person and likes the surrounding", "I'm not worse , and better than many "). You probably met with such a situation: I would like to say something, make a move, and the language and body do not obey, you are thrown in the heat, and in the cold, but you can't do anything with you, and it remains only to observe as "another "Gets acquainted with your sympathy, intercepts the initiative;
• Arguing about little-known subjects, facts, non-safe events - others can understand them better, and then you can get into an inconvenient position;
• It is impossible to affect the weaknesses (qualities) of a person, do not speak with irony even about missing - it can damage your reputation;
• Ask the age of the lady is not ethical, find out if it is necessary indirectly;
• It is unacceptable to speak specialist about his favorite profession (hobby) dismissively. Try to listen to him and understand what we are talking about;
• At the first acquaintance, it should not be "pouring" anecdotes, ambiguities, bikes, otherwise you may be taken for not a completely serious entity;
• In conversation, strive to give your voice to a soft tone, well think out of the beginning, which will help to overcome stiffness. You can talk about fashion, cosmetics, health, show, play, book. If she is "in age", then about today's ingredients. With a man - about sports, politics, school, work, etc. It all depends on your fantasy and the desire to overcome shysteriness.

! Get acquainted, place people!

• To achieve success, this must be done. Having someone a service, you will find a person who is in a difficult moment, perhaps and will help you;
• Remember, do you have a lot of friends? If not, you urgently need new acquaintances. In this case there are no complexes, fight uncertainty, establish useful links. It is important not only to get acquainted, but also be able to support them. There can be no trifles here: do not forget to congratulate people on the holiday, ask about health, wish success in their activities. However, do not be obsessive, mercenary, inseparable in friendship;
• Show your sincere interest to the interlocutor. Strive to understand his advantages, soul to praise them;
• Try to understand why a person comes up so, and not otherwise. It is more productive than criticizing (in 99 cases out of 100, criticism is useless, because it makes it look for justification);
• Always be benevolent, friendly, smiling. Contact familiar by name and patronymic - this is a sign of respect, appreciation, complicity;
• Tear in the communication of the Act, the interests, tastes of the partner;
• Strive to be a good listener. Show respect for the opinion of the interlocutor, do not speak straightly that he is wrong. This can be injured by his self-esteem. The main thing is to give him the opportunity to speak. Do not interrupt it, even if you disagree with him. Let him think that the solution found belongs to him;
• Try to put yourself in place of another person. Carefully indicate a mistake for a mistake without making offense. Avoid critics with strangers (colleagues, relatives, children), do not humiliate him. This is not forgiven.

Face, Mimic, gestures

On the person of a person reflects his condition. Emotions leave on it a noticeable track in the form of wrinkles (they are imprinted in the directions of mimic muscles).

Mimic and gestures carry up to 50% of the information about the interlocutor. Mimica is the movements of the facial muscles, which transmit the inner state of the individual. However, we do not always want to know everything about our true mood. Therefore, you need to learn how to manage yourself to look good in life situations. The best face decoration is radiant, wide, attractive smile. Americans have the morning exercise - to say "Chiiz" in front of the mirror until the desire to smile will be entrenched. We will also not hurt it. Friendly facial expression, a tender look helps to achieve success.

By manner, you can learn a lot to learn about yourself and the interlocutor:

• Laughing, touching the maiz of the lips - you like to be in the spotlight;
• Wrinkle with a laugh nose - you do not hold certain views, unbalanced, it is easy to add to the momentary whims;
• Laughing, squinting eyes - you are smart, confident, persistent in achieving the goal;
• With a laugh, hold on for the chin - there are many kindergarten in you and sometimes you do rash;
• Laughing, touching the face or head - you are a dreamer, dreamer;
• Throw the head with a laugh - you are trusting, you have a wide nature;
• Laughing, cover your mouth with hands - your character is timid, often confused, excessively self-critical;
• With a quiet laughter, you tighten your head - you are kind, in the feelings prevails conscience, you know how to adapt to people;
• Loudly laugh - you have a strong temperament, but you need to learn to fully own yourself; Speaking know how to listen - no;
• There is no certain laughing manner - you are individual, and you tend to reject the opinions of others in the name of your own.

It has been established that approximately 20% of the information is perceived by words, intonation, emotional painting, and the rest fall on facial expressions and gestures.

The value of certain gestures at a meeting (conversation):

• Handshake. The interlocutor, configured to you aggressively, give a palm down. It can be concluded about the despotic nature of his character, that he will solve you to suppress your authority; Equal people stretch hands with palm vertically;
• Man with a strong character holds hands in pockets and thumb outside; If it sits on heels back - forward - it has an explosive temperament; It is better to stay with him restrained, but not to flatter;
• The partner applies to the hands of any parts of the body - these are gestures of suspicion or hiddenness. If he covers the mouth means, it is afraid to report unnecessary, or masks the hearing. In this case, it needs to calm down, saying something neutral. If this gesture is a reaction to your words, apparently, the interlocutor does not believe it or wants to hide the grin;
• Firmly woven fingers indicate nervous voltage, disappointment. If a person and at the same time convinces you in his sincerity - he should not believe him;
• Hands lie on the knees and palms are compressed - the individual is not very sure and is concerned about;
• Crossed hands - establishing a barrier. When one hand is omitted - obstacles as it were are ajar. You need to communicate with such familiarity, smiling;
• Crossed legs - showering; It is one on the other - doubt.

In communicating with foreigners You must be careful, because many gestures mean not what you wanted to express them.

Conversations by phone

From a telephone conversation, you can learn a lot about a person: origin, education, character, culture, intelligence, sociability, social status.

Some rules:

• Brevity. It is necessary to take into account the employment of the interlocutor (hence the expression: "I do not distract you?", "Sorry for anxiety!");
• The phone is used to solve urgent questions;
• Business negotiations are usually conducted on service channels. If you have to call a partner home, you must apologize, clearly state the essence of the problem, and the directions of its implementation are to discuss at the next meeting;
• Call to the apartment after 10 pm (and up to 9 am) is not recommended;
• If you need to tell something unfamiliar people, then tell me who gave the phone number, name your last name, first name, patronymic;
• Hearing a signal, remove the phone, appear: organization, position, surname, name, patronymic. By this you give a person to quickly enter the situation;
• In the absence of a subscriber, a third party can be asked: "What to convey?";
• Do not start a dialogue from the question: "Who is the phone?". It is not polite. We must call yourself, and then find out what you have: "Sorry, and who I say with?";
• It is important to correctly state the purpose of the meeting, correctly pick up the first words: "It is forced to contact you," "You know that ...", "I am instructed ...". Can be clarified whether the partner is free;
• When discussing the problem, we must be logical, slim, understandable, sentences simple and clear;
• If the subscriber wants to receive information, and you currently do not have it, it will be right to figure out where and when to call him back;
• It happens that during the conversation you are called to the phone. How to proceed? If the conversation with the visitor ends, let us know that you wait a bit, and if it is far from completion, then ask to call back (or, writing a number, do it yourself);
• The dialogue stops the person who called. It is important to pronounce phrases: "Sorry for anxiety", "Thank you", "Goodbye", etc.;
• A business conversation on the phone can be completed for 3-4 minutes (performance - 20-30 ??, message goals - 40 ??, discussion of the problem - 2 ??, conclusion - 20-30 ??).

How to build a conversation on the phone?

Before it began:

1. Think, is it necessary?;
2. Determine its goal;
3. Keep paper, pencil, calendar, reference material.

During the conversation:

1. Removing the tube, appear: institution, surname, name, patronymic;
2. Find out if you are talking about?;
3. Check if it has time, or better call back?;
4. Try to create a positive mood;
5. Do not object "straightforwardly" if you want to succeed;
6. Speak calmly (do not shout into the phone), pronounce words clearly, give your voice a pleasant intonation, smile more often, partner feels;
7. Listen carefully, do not interrupt the interlocutor, try to "adjust" under his pace;
8. Don't "cross" your speech by foreign and special terms;
9. Do not worry if you do not understand, find simple, but convincing facts, examples;
10. At the end, check who and what will have to do?

After the end of the conversation:

1. Analyze its content;
2. Check if you wanted to report to the partner;
3. Record the result of the conversation that you yourself need to do, make it in weekly

5.3. Business negotiations: methods, skills, features

Business communication is aimed at achieving subject agreement. It has its own patterns and features that you need to know and follow in life. It is important to remember that mutual understanding between people and, above all, heads and subordinates, not always develops successfully.

Psychologists share administrators on three types of management:

1. Authoritarian;
2. Democratic;
3. Liberal.

Liberal type. Allows employees to deal with the tasks themselves, they do not particularly control them. In case of failure, much does it myself. Such a boss is good for the team of creative personalities who are accustomed to work without coercion;

Democratic type. The team gives great importance, it is advised to him, sensitively catches his mood. He carefully listens to people, but decisions takes independently. Always competently puts the tasks and requires a clear realization from specialists;

Below is the classification (types) of managers, Communication with which is difficult: Zadira, fighter, slow, pessimist, introvert, smoothie, Vniek, etc.:

Zadira - constantly "Davit" for people, claims that has many influential friends. When communicating with him, do not show fear, do not worry, behave adequately;

Fighter - loves to shove. Shows unexpected quick temper and irritability, but quickly cools. Always think about the conversation with him. Your weapon is logic, persuasiveness, argument.

Slow - usually friendly, calm. However, fearing seeming incompetent, independent decisions does not accept. During a personal meeting, try to bring it to the time that it determines the timing and conditions of the task.

Pessimist is unhappy with everything surrounded him. Everyone is dissatisfied with everything and is experiencing anything, not to miss out of influence, because In his opinion, it ends fails. But when under his control takes as much as possible, it complains that it is overloaded. In communicating with him, doginate the worst outcome of the case, which you are entrusted, and emphasize that in this case, nothing terrible will happen.

The introvert is focused on problems within himself, afraid, no matter how to offend anyone. In a conversation with him, give him the initiative, maybe it will be possible to stir. The award will be a clearly formulated task and the real deadlines for its implementation.

Llanders - constantly joking, friendly. His drawback is the inability to criticize subordinates for omissions. He tells them what they wish to hear. Try to approve of his behavior, and he will perceive it as recognition of its significance. And this will help you communicate with him. Such a boss does not want to have enemies, begins to live in an unrealistic world. Try to find the truth together, relying on the facts, and not for jokes.

Nice - interrupts man, does not give him to speak, does not show interest in the subject of discussion. Inability to listen gives rise to negative moods in it. In case of failure to blame anyone, not only. Such a managerial is afraid of critics, as it believes that it undermines its competence. Do not fight with him, but on the contrary, ask, expressing appreciation for a good advice.

Psychology allocates behavioral trends (types) of subordinates: authority, critic, merry, workhorse, lets:

Critic is also an approximate face of the chief and plays the role of a "soft opposition". The criticism of the senior action allows the latest weighing all "for" and "against" in decision making;

Meschak - mediator between the team and the administrator. His humor makes it possible to the chief, "not advancing" on its own ambitions, to take what is happening to make the right conclusions, it is better to catch the mood of people;

The workhorse - performs instructions, based on the principle of "the head is always right". He climbs a huge amount of work devoting to her all his free time. Experiencing more load, very tormented, but not know how to refuse;

Llander - exhibits an excessive selection towards the head, and they do not complain them in the team. They can "lay" anyone.

Holding business meeting (conversations)

1. Preparation of the conversation (a plan is drawn up, the goals and objectives are formulated; ways are planned to solve them, arguments are sought to protect their position; the outcome of the meeting is analyzed);
2. Establishing the place and time of the conversation (positions: "From above" - \u200b\u200b"I am waiting for you in my office at 16:00"; "Bottom" - "It is desirable for me to consistent with you when and where to drive?"; "On Equal" - " We would need to talk. Let's agree on the place and time of the meeting ");
3. It is important to check your readiness for conversation:
   • What is the main goal?;
   • Is I sure about the successful conversation?;
   • Is the partner to discuss the problem?;
   • What obstacles can meet?;
   • Think of impact on the interlocutor;
   • The first question must be concrete, interesting, but not debated;
   • Seek brevity in the presentation of thoughts;
   • Convinquently justify your judgments.
4. Start a conversation - entry into contact. Here are the great importance of the partner's visit, his posture, view, intonation of the first phrases, the relative position in space. Accordingly, the guest meeting can occur in different ways: from approaching it to easy nod or its full ignoring. And the greeting will be ambiguous - smile, handshake, sitting or dissatisfied.

   If the participants are familiar, then you can ask: "How are you?, Mood?" Having received the answer: "In order", you can move on to business. If - "Yes, so-so," then you should ask "what?", Express sympathy, but in details not go into details.
   At the beginning of the conversation are unacceptable:

   • Uncertainty, unnecessary apologies;
   • Disrespect for a partner;
   • Phrases "Attacks" (what is happening for disgrace?, I.e. immediately created a defensive position).

   You can use such techniques:

   • Removing the voltage (say a few nice words, joke);
   • Hook (unusual question, comparison, impression, annecdotic case);
   • Stimulation of imagination (setting the problems of prompting interest);
   • Direct approach (directly proceed to business).
5. To create a favorable climate at the meeting, it is necessary to: contact the partner by name and patronymic, to bring the thought clearly, it is clear, specifically, to show respect for his personality, activities, to seek advice, worthy of behaving (follow the appearance, pose, facial expression, intonation of votes, etc.). It is important to "attach" yourself to the interlocutor.
6. Setting the problem and transferring information.

   We can apply such recommendations:

   • Use the "language" of a partner to minimize communication losses;
   • Begin the phrase of the transfer of the message from "You - approach", i.e. Participants must understand and take into account the interests of another (instead: "I came to the conclusion ..." Apparently it will be better to sound: "You will be interested to know that ...");
   • The conversation content must be brought into line with a level of awareness. You set out the essence of the problem, and it means that it must be better known;
   • It is important to get away from the monologue to the dialogue. Watch that questions contain the words: "Why? What for? How?";
   • Watch the responses of the interlocutor, especially non-verbal - facial expressions, gesting and flexibly change their behavior:

   - If a person touches the tip of the nose, shrieks his lips, looks away, then, apparently, the information caused his doubt or even irritation; The interlocutor begins to rub his chin, then this is a signal that he is ready to accept some decision. If you have a fear that it will not fit your plans, then it is better to "move away" this moment (submit a partner to some document).
   - Noticing that the partner "rubs his forehead, the nose", "drives eyebrows", it is better to slow down the tempo of speech. The content of speech must be responsible for such rules:

   • objectivity, accuracy, clarity, depth of material presentation; (allow us to truthfully, to really link the facts and details, avoid ambiguity and inactiveness);
   • using visual aids, schemes, tables, drawings;
   • the repetition of the main provisions and conclusions (contributes to better perception and understanding of information);
   • reasonable volume of material (it makes it possible to get away from fatigue, boredom, irritation of the interlocutor);
   • a certain proportion of humor (may be appropriate when you need to express not very pleasant for the partner of considerations);
   • the logicality and purposefulness of speech (lead to conversation productivity);
   • the rhythm of the management of information should be flexible, providing "ups" and "decline".

It is important to repeat key conversation positions, because Probably the interlocutor is experiencing some difficulties in understanding.

7. Argumentation. During the meeting, it is necessary to competently protect personal opinions, their positions, operate with reliable and convincing concepts, facts, examples.
8. Discover (neutralization) of partner's comments. If the opponent's objection followed:
   • Listen carefully to the comments;
   • Find out whether information is really caused by different points of view (or you inaccurately formulated it essence);
   • Ask questions so that the interlocutor is before choosing between two answers; ("Do you give good to our initiative or not?"; If no, check, why?).
9. Search for an acceptable solution. This can be carried out in the form of cooperation, equality, mutual responsibility or in an authoritarian spirit of one of the partners and voluntary or forced consent of the other. Always in the reserve should be one strong argument in case the interlocutor at the time of the decision begins to hesitate (but if the phlegmatic is in front of you, then it is useless to "press").
10. Fixation agreement, analysis of results. This is the final act of the meeting. Its results are useful to record in workbook. Determine the timing and method of informing the implementation of planned actions. Thank the partner, congratulate it with the solution achieved. Think out the way out of contact: change the pose, stand up, say the phrases "Goodbye", "all the best", etc.
11. In a relaxed atmosphere, analyze the course of the meeting. Pay attention to the allowed missions in order to avoid them when performing future business conversations. Note the tactics of further communication with the opponent:

    Answer such questions:

    • did you have a major conversation line?
    • did you manage to provide the counterdowns of the interlocutor?
    • do your comments and objections are convincing?
    • have you been tactical throughout the meeting?
    • did you manage to achieve maximum benefit for business?
    • did you achieve targeted goals? If not, why did this happen?
    • how to further build interactions with this person?

Features of business negotiations

In business negotiations there are inconsistent (opposite) interests of the parties. This requires their skills from their participants to achieve a reasonable agreement, since without this there can be no mutually beneficial cooperation.

In solving controversial issues, unproductive strategies of behavior are observed.

• Rigid dominance (hard approach) of one side and forced submission of another or their open confrontation;
• Soft pliability (mild approach), avoiding confrontation, which leads to a compromise (with mutual consent), or to win a "hard" participant.

Supporters of the "hard" approach see their goal in the "victory" at all costs, require concessions from partners, threaten them, seek a profitable solution. The participants of the "soft" approach put the task to achieve the "Agreement", allow losses, seek to find ways to the negotiation process.

Maximum effective negotiations aimed at cooperation. They suggest the following:

• Admit conflict, make it "our problem";
• Respect opponents, but firmly defend your views;
• Focus on the interests, not in positions;
• Analyze what is the main thing, find objective obstacles, separate them from subjective opposition;
• Try to develop mutually acceptable options that would reconcile the parties;
• Formulate fair norms and criteria (market prices, expert opinion, laws, etc.);
• Agreement and embody it in life.

Organization of business meetings

The topic of discussion is planned in advance so that participants can prepare for it (think of speeches, suggestions, to find actual material). For such an event, the "round table" is best.

1. Action leading:
   • Makes entry, notes the significance of the problems under consideration, expresses the hope that the conversation will be constructive;
   • Shears the regulations, involves all those present in the discussion, puts clarifying questions, pronounces intermediate comments, performs with the final word;
   • Organizes the development and adoption of recommendations (decisions) and their implementation.
2. At the meeting, the criticism of individual participants is not allowed, even if their position is considered unacceptable. It is recommended to observe such a rule: first note the coincidence of points of view, and then discuss the differences in approaches to solving the issue, arguing the advantages and disadvantages of each alternative (if you were criticized with criticism, then transfer it to the topic under discussion: "It's nice that this problem worries you And you are trying to find the best way out ... "). It is important to take advantage of its position not as the only possible and faithful, but to be able to take a different opinion.
3. It happens that the meeting enters the intellectual impasse. Then you need to apply active methods (techniques) in order to exit this state:
   1. Saying in a circle;
   2. Brainstorm;

All put forward proposals that can be strange, controversial. The main thing is not to "lose" the topic of discussion, make a thorough analysis, to advance in solving the issue.

4. To weaken conflict, hostility of the parties are created by conciliation commissions or groups.

Communication is a multifaceted process of developing contacts between people, generated by the needs of joint activities. It usually distinguishes three sides: communicative (information transmission), interactive (interaction) and perceptual (mutual perception). Considered in the unity of these aspects Communication acts as a way to organize joint activities and the relationship of entities included in it.

It is difficult to find such mental phenomena, characteristic of individuals who are somehow not organically connected to this phenomenon. It is in communication that is inextricably related to the activities that the individual comes into contact, seeks mutual understanding, mastering experiences and culture developed by humanity.

Literature on the topic

• Battarishev A.V. Personality of business man. M.: 2003.
• Bodaliev A.A. Personality and communication. M.: 1983.
• Granovskaya. Elements of practical psychology. St. Petersburg: 1997.
• Leonov A.N. Psychology of communication. Studies. Benefit. M.: 2005.
• Leontyev A.A. Pedagogical communication. M.: 1997.
• Krichanskaya Yu.S., Tretyakov V.P. Community grammar. M.: 1990.
• Morozov A.V. Business psychology. M.: 2005.
• Nomov R.S. Psychology. Textbook. In 3 t. M.: 1999
• General psychology/ Sost Rogov E.N. M.: 1998.
• Obozov N.N. Interpersonal Communication M.: 1997
• Petrovskaya L.A. Computer capacity in communication M.: 1989
• Practical psychology. Tutorial / Ed. Tutukhushny MK SPB .: 1998
• Business conversations and negotiations. Voronezh: 1991.
• Psychology. Tutorial / Ed. Krylova A.A. M.: 1999.
• Psychology. Tutorial / Ed. Druzhinina V.N. SPB .: 2000
• Psychology and ethics business communication M.: 1997.
• Rean A.A. and others. Psychology and pedagogy. SPB .: 2000
• Stolyarenko ld Basics of psychology. Rostov N / D: 1997
• Timofeev M.I. Business conversation. M.: 2004.

In addition to these principles, it is useful to know the main tactics of communication:

Understanding communication;

Contiguously compliant communication;

Directive communication;

Protective-aggressive communication.

The main conditions of the effectiveness of any practical communication are the skills and skills of a person in the use of so-called understanding and decision-making responses when interacting with others.
people.

The main causes of the ineffectiveness of any communication are the tendency and habits of a person to resort to interaction with the interlocutor to the contiguous-compliant and protective and aggressive forms of behavior as inadequate deputies of understanding and policy communion.

Understanding communication is a targeted interaction focused on the understanding of the interlocutor and on the manifestation of respect for his personality in the form of non-mentioned reactions to its statements and emotional states.

The contrique-cessation of communication is a targeted interaction focused on understanding the interlocutor, but containing the reaction of inappropriate imputation of its feelings, aspirations and goals, as well as unjustified concessions to the interlocutor.

Directive communication is a targeted interaction focused on the provision of direct psychological impact on a person to achieve its goals and consisting of reactions expressing their own estimates, aspirations and goals. These goals, both in personal life and professional activities, can in a broad sense to achieve mutually beneficial agreements with a partner, in psychological impact on it, in defending their interests in the context of disagreements and conflicts or in their own protection against aggressive attacks and threats from interlocutor.

Protective-aggressive communication is a targeted interaction focused on the provision of direct psychological impact on the interlocutor to achieve its goals, but carried out in a form that can humiliate his self-esteem.

Understanding communication style includes the following settings:

1. Installation for understanding response, i.e. orientation on the reference system of the interlocutor, and not on its own; A conscious desire to respond to the thoughts and senses of a partner for communication in order to see the world with his eyes; The ability to understand and predict the reaction of the interlocutor by putting himself in his place. An understanding response does not mean consent to all that the partner says, it is a manifestation of our impersonality, helps the interlocutor to disclose, feel confidence in us and the desire to interact. Such a response is much more efficient than the evaluation response, but it is much less common.

2. Installation on the acceptance of the personality of the interlocutor, on the manifestation of respect for him, regardless of his advantages and disadvantages; recognition of his right to be like it is; The ability to create a "safety climate" for it.

3. Installation on the consistency of its behavior with the behavior of the interlocutor, i.e. sincerity in communication; Admission to the interlocutor to "Exchange trust", permission to some extent to look inside yourself. Of course, the implementation of this installation in communicating with all people in all life situations is impossible, and sometimes undesirable.

But this setting is vital in cases where partners really want to understand each other and strive for the development of relationships.

Understanding response includes:

Simple phrases confirming contact with the interlocutor (right, yes, so, so, etc.);

Rephrase of thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor, expressed openly, to tell him that we understand what he is talking about, or to test our interpretation of what he said;

Filming up hidden or even unconscious thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor, assumed attentive attitude towards intonations, pauses in a conversation, facial expressions and gestures of the speaker;

Enchanting the interlocutor, assurances in his sympathy;

Understanding silence and encouraging non-verbal reactions (stroking on the shoulder, sympathetic nodies, amazeled eyes, etc.);

Issues that clarify the point of view of the interlocutor (which means you think that ... I understand correctly?) Or "probing" his feelings (you are greatly disturbing, yes?).

For a speaking, who accepted an understanding style of communication is very important not to become a simple partner mirror. It is necessary to choose the right balance between sympathetic response and "pushing" of the conversation so that it does not happen that psychologists are called "looping" on the same topic. The partner said should not just repeat, but deepen, clarify, develop. It is necessary to correctly determine the depth, or force, response and its time: our reactions should not be late, but also should not disturb the flow of reflection of the partner.

Another rule of understanding communication is to avoid stereotypical reactions, the use of the same signals of understanding and sympathy again and again. The constant repetition of standard introductory phrases (such means it means that ...) or contact confirmations (I listen to you carefully) deprives you of the confidence of the interlocutor: he begins to suspect that you play with him in some game or talk mechanically, not Delicious in the essence of the case.

Will it turn out that with understanding communication we "lose yourself", do not implement our communicative goals? No, if we are clearly aware of the border between the behavior of understanding and contrique-compliant. In most situations, when we need to achieve mutual understanding with another person, understanding communication with the right (supported training) use is the most efficient. But, of course, this is not a universal tactic. There are cases when we must resort to directive communication.

The directive style of communication is based on the following installations:

1. Installation on open behavior, active actions to achieve their goals. When you behave directly, you directly and clearly express your intentions, arguments and evaluations, allow the interlocutor to find out what you are striving for, clearly formulate your position, protect your rights, your beliefs. This allows your interlocutor to clearly imagine your position and frees it from the need to advise your words, deprives the situation of uncertainty.

2. Installation on a straight and open refusal to perform actions that, from your point of view, do not serve your significant interests and goals, seem unacceptable to you ethically. But the directivity does not imply selfishness, ignoring the interests of other people. Directive implies that you do not ignore your interests in favor of others, know how to say "no" if it is required.

3. Installation on efficient and decisive protection of itself from aggressive behavior and personal attacks of partner for communication (threats, critics, insults); The ability to protect yourself without becoming hostile or protective-aggressive in relation to the opponent.

4. Installation to achieve its goals in collaboration with a partner, taking into account its interests and needs. This installation involves control over its emotional state, the desire to associate its goals with the objectives of the interlocutor, the refusal to evaluate statements in favor of "objective", non-charge.

Thus, the directive criticism of the error made by the interlocutor does not contain the addition of his personality, unlike protective-aggressive criticism, Wed: You're late on all the time when we meet. For me it is inconvenient. We have already discussed this issue, and I categorically demanded that you come on time (directive reaction) and you are late all the time. How can it be such an irresponsible and unreliable person? You can not trust you. If you are late once again, I will no longer agree with you anymore (protective-aggressive reaction).

It should be remembered:

Any question can be formulated in the estimated and non-valid form, Wed: What did I forget to buy? (Neuxalty form) and judging by your face, I did everything wrong. What is it important I forgot to buy, what are you so unhappy? (estimated form);

Any criticism can be attributed to this particular situation or distributed (justified or unjustified) on a person as a whole, Wed: 1) There are few digital information in your report. It does not give ideas about the results of the department's activities and 2) you have an absolutely unorganized mind. You, as usual, did not take care of providing a report to digital information. For you, it is generally characteristic of such a vagueness, unacceptable for the senior manager.

The neople form of the question and criticism aimed at a specific situation are more effective, do not cause unnecessary aggression or a protective reaction from the addressee.

The Council, proposal, clarification, warning, belief, coercion can be expressed in the policy form; The policy question is - the question asked not from the position of the interlocutor (to clarify his point of view), but from its own position - in order to translate the conversation to another topic, call the interlocutor in doubt on his point of view, to send his thoughts in the channel necessary to us .

Directive tactic can be combined with understanding even within one replica: take away, I would prefer to act differently when solving this problem. However, I would like to fully hear about your approach, which differs from my position on a number of positions. Expressing disagreement with the interlocutor, you express an effective directive reaction (direct non-sales statement of its position) and at the same time understanding (manifestation of interest in the partner's point of view).

The characteristic of understanding communication "feelings are not deceived, deceives the judgment prepared on them." Goethe "Friend is a person with whom I can be sincere. In his presence, I can think out loud. " Emerson let's ask yourself the question: "Is it possible to establish good interpersonal or business relationships with a person and effectively influence it if we do not understand it or understand bad? The answer, probably, everyone will be the same, no, this is a low-job matter. Indeed, "to understand" is to "explore", and without studying the partner to communicate, it is impossible to develop relations with him nor the effective psychological impact on it. In principle, with any attempt to understand another person, his behavior, needs, motives, problems, the spheres of dissatisfaction - are possible two approaches: 1) Trying to understand a person from the standpoint of its internal reference system (views, installations, values); 2) strive to understand it from our own point of view as an external observer, i.e., "explain" it, based on our ideas and views on behavior and situation. It is quite clear that the first approach is most preferable, since it is such an understanding of the interlocutor that gives us the most reliable data about his personality. Of course, to fully understand another person as it represents itself is impossible. It is also impossible to completely free themselves from its ideas arising in the process of perceiving another person. Therefore, the question inevitably falls: "And what are those techniques, skills, skills and methods of communication, which increase the effectiveness of a person's understanding from his own positions? How to listen and react to better explore and understand its motivation, criteria of perception and assessment of the surrounding world and self-esteem, relevant life situations and problems? And thereby more efficiently develop interpersonal (or business) relations with him? " 14 Most of us knows people about which surrounding say: "It's very hard to talk to him," and vice versa: "An excellent guy, with him so easy to communicate." Usually, we tend to associate such characteristics with personal characteristics, and in some cases it is quite justified. However, much more often than we used to consider, the ability to understand the other is related to how we do this: how we start discussion, as we listen to how they react to what he says and feels. The fact is that most of our usual reactions in real communication situations make sure why they contribute to the understanding of the interlocutor, and therefore it makes it difficult to develop relationships with him. For example, when the interlocutor does not understand us or disagrees with us, the usual reaction is otherwise to formulate its position, again to declare it with even greater diligence, instead of trying to figure out, why a person does not understand us; Sometimes we do and worse-occupy a protective and aggressive position. When a person begins to talk about his problem, especially if she is painful for "him, our familiar reaction is to immediately calm him, say that everything will be fine" or hastily suggest a solution to his problem from our own point of view, without even listening to it , not trying to understand his experiences. So what are the skills, skills and ways of behavior that we must have to be more oriented to understand other people? Understanding installations. This approach has been widespread in the practice of learning the skills of communication managers, diplomats, teachers, military, journalists, police, since it turned out to be extremely effective in a variety of life situations when it is necessary to study people, understand them and manage them, and especially in the case of the resolution of interpersonal conflicts. Means of understanding communication are a combination of such rules, skills and skills working with people who can be learned and acquired b EZ special preliminary psychological training. The subject-oriented subject in the role of studing, when interacting with a partner, emphasizes its attention primarily on the internal reference system (evaluating criteria, values, motives, problems) of their partner, and not on their own. 15 Why is the orientation of the reference system (thoughts and feelings) of the interlocutor, and not on his own? The importance of this provision is that the partner knows himself, its needs, his life situation is better than us. Therefore, we need to help him develop their thoughts, and not "push" it, according to our ideas. The fact is that when we are trying to understand the inner world of another person and study its values, convictions, ideals, etc., the usual form of interaction-to direct partner, asking questions, especially those that seem to be " Protect "deeper and which, according to our conviction, he did not ask himself yet. Although such forms of interaction are necessary, but they are usually useful only after we have received certain information about how this other person himself represents and is experiencing its situation or problem. In addition, open communication with the person we want to understand and explore, will occur only in the case when we are able to create a trusting relationship (climate, atmosphere, psychological contact). The feeling of trust is essential for self-discharge of a partner without fear that it will be appreciated, and its frankness will be used to the detriment of him. And the conditions that this climate is formed, do not imply any particular psychological knowledge and methods, do not require special intellectual sophistication. Rather, these are quite certain feelings and installations that we must actually have, worry and openly show if we want to understand another person during communication. And this person should perceive them so that the meeting and the conversation were effective. According to the practice of communication, significant to create a climate of trust (or the emergence and development of psychological contact with the interlocutor) are the following conditions Or installation: Understanding the non-sales response to the thoughts, feelings and submission of the partner; Positive adoption of the interlocutor as a person; Coherence of own behavior when interacting with another person. Installation is a conscious person's readiness to respond in a certain way in a specific situation in accordance with its needs, goals and objectives. 16 Consider these settings in more detail. Installation on understanding response. What does it mean? Installation on an understanding negartial response implies a conscious desire to respond to the thoughts and state of the interlocutor in order to see them with his eyes and catch the quality of these states (fear, doubt, anxiety, anger, etc.). Its formation is associated with the ability of a person to understand and predict the thoughts and emotional state of the partner to communicate, as if by putting himself in his place. In psychology, this ability is called Empathy. Therefore, in literature on communication, it is possible to often meet such concepts as "empathy", "empathic communication", which according to the content coincide with understanding communication. In this book, the term "empathy and related to it (as well as the term" reflexion ") will not be used to avoid complicating terminology. An understanding response does not mean our consent with what the partner says and feels, but there is a manifestation of the desire to unbialy understand his position, the life situation without ratings in his address. Such a response requires our skills for a while to get away from its own assessment system and try to understand the experiences of the interlocutor, the state of its inner world. If he tries that his thoughts are understood and accepted correctly, he will begin to trust us and will be ready to further discuss exciting questions, revealing his inner states. Unfortunately, most often we demonstrate an understanding of another person from an external assessment point of view, for example: "I understood you, and now let me say that I think about this," or even more definitely: "If I were in your place, I would have done something that ... ", or even stronger:" Let me remind what you missed where you broke away from reality, "etc. Such an estimated type of understanding of another person usually causes protective reactions, Which prevent him from manifesting openness and develop their thoughts deeper, as a subconsciously or quite consciously, the interlocutor begins to be fear of hearing negative assessments, feel that he does not understand and are not acceptable. Therefore, quite naturally, the person who gets evaluating reactions will strive to take away from the discussion of those personal topics and samples-17 lem, in respect of which he is alarming, uncertainty or other personality and significant experiences. Since anyone does not want to feel incompetent, vulnerable, etc., it reduces his self-esteem. Another reason why an assessing response may cause protective reactions of the interlocutor, is that many people perceive these attempts as our invasion of their autonomy or as an attempt on their right to have exactly such thoughts, looks, worry that such emotional states and feelings. Of course, this does not mean that we should not express our own point of view, or that at a later stage of development of relations (or conversation), we should not share their opinions with the interlocutor. It would be more correct to say that when we are trying to study and understand another person and help him to realize their problems deeper, then an understanding response contributes to the self-dispersion of the feelings and thoughts of the interlocutor, and the evaluating response impedes. Installation of the identity of the interlocutor is our willingness and desire to communicate with a person, to show it certainly positive attention and respect, regardless of his advantages and disadvantages. The more you are able to take another person in the course of communication, to accept what he talks about himself and his problems, the more he is able to disclose himself and good and bad, and therefore, the more freer and deeper begins to discuss and analyze his thoughts, Presentations and feelings. It is important to note that the identification of the personality of the interlocutor is ready to exercise true, and not a disquence of respect, something similar with the positive attitude and care of the parent to his child, regardless of its specific behavior at the moment. The manifestation of such a psychological plan is for the interlocutor "Climate Safety", allowing him to take a chance to talk about those feelings and conditions he, perhaps, although it is aware, but it is difficult for him to recognize openly that he has them and is experiencing. In other words, the installation of the personality of the interlocutor is a willingness on our part respectfully to recognize his right to be such what it is, regardless of our consent or disagreement with him, regardless of how much his thoughts and feelings are related to real facts (or otherwise The readiness to exercise the benevolence of 18 to the personality of the partner as a whole with all positive and negative parties). Installation on the consistency of its behavior when interacting with the interlocutor, meaning the sincerity of his behavior in communicating with it. In practice, the coherence of one's own behavior takes place when the fact that we openly express the interlocutor with words and gestures is consistent with the fact that we are really internally feeling and experiencing at the time of the conversation, and then when we are aware of our inner emotional state. In a certain sense, this means that we seem to allow the interlocutor to "look" in yourself, we invite you to openness and "confidence". If the interlocutor "feels", perceives this kind of behavior, then he has a response response-consistency of his behavior, and as a result, confidence in the partner. In real life, compliance with such an installation may seem at first glance too radical and difficult to fulfill. And this is a certain extent so. However, if you turn to your own life experience, probably many of us will remember those people in front of which we rarely have been open due to the intuitive feeling of mistrust to them, because they did not know who they are actually, or what is their actual position. The inconsistency of behavior is particularly obvious when a person tries to demonstrate interest and attention to the interlocutor, whom he really does not feel inside and does not experience. For example, you came and apply to one or another official with an important personal problem. I am glad to look at you and without tearing out the eye from the table, he offers a monotonous polite voice to sit and repeats the "I listen to you carefully." Despite the fact that he says, his non-verbal behavior issues its true attitude towards your problem, when it dispelly runs through the eyes of the paper lying on the table, or with difficulty restrains the yawn. Being fully agreed in communicating with all people, all the time and in all situations, of course, it is impossible and even undesirable. However, the consistency of behavior is a very important condition in those situations where partners seek to understand each other and want to develop relationships. Thus, the above installation are basic psychological provisions, which, in principle, the SPEO 19 provide an understanding of the interlocutor, the development and establishment of contact with it, the atmosphere of confidence and openness of communication; Not always and not in all situations, they can be realized, however, a conscious desire to apply them in personal and official relations, in working with people, with subordinates, in relations in the team, with patients, customers, etc. Help the development of such communication skills . Summarizing the main components of understanding behavior in communication, one can say: it is necessary to sincerely strive to obtain additional information about the thoughts and feelings of the partner without any evaluation, recognize the right of the interlocutor, as opposed to your ideas, personal features, tastes, preferences, etc.; And also coordinate your verbal behavior with those emotional states that you have in the course of interaction. For example, the annoyed buyer is returned to the store and, showing the detail of the purchased device, says: "I do not understand how you can sell such a trash. This thing has fallen off before I managed to use your purchase. " The seller who prompted by the desire to defend, can say: "Well, you see, I sold hundreds of these devices. And you are the first who appeals to me with a complaint ", or:" I use myself such a device and can tell you that it works fine. " Of course, you can imagine that the buyer, having heard similar, will be satisfied with the reported information and retreat. But most of us from our own experience knows that this is unlikely to be the most likely action of the buyer. Almost probably he will react more militant and say something like that: "I don't care how much you sold them. Anyway, it's a bunch of rubbish ", or:" I don't need to paint, how beautiful the device works with you. I know one thing that he fell apart before I managed to prepare it for work. " If the seller continues the defensive line of the dialogue, then the aggravation of the confrontation to the open scandal is the most likely outcome. On the contrary, an understanding form of interaction (involving the adoption of the differences in partners without estimation, but not meaning compulsory agreement) should "return" the interlocutor only what he heard from him, as well as to show care and sympathy for his position. Approval of the type: "I see that you are upset. Tell us more about what happened. "This is at the same time understanding and neut- 20 rally reaction. You do not express any assumption of a possible malfunction, but also do not press the buyer to change my mind. After you discuss the facts, and the other side will be given the opportunity to express your point of view, you can take a tougher position and affect the partner in this matter. Such a line of behavior is more efficient. To illustrate, as understanding and protective forms of behavior affect the development of the situation, we give two options for the child's dialogue with the parent. 1) Protective behavior of the parent: Son: You know, Pa, my teacher is just a boy. Father: It doesn't seem to you that it would be better if you didn't think so and all the more did not say? Son: I can't think otherwise if the teacher is a fool. He is just stupid behaves. He is unfair. Father: In the end, you must understand that in the class besides you, 25 more students. I am sure that the teacher thinks about it. And from your side, unfair to talk about it. Son: Why do you always defend the teacher? You never want to understand me. And I still think that he is a fool, whatever you tell me. Probable result: Maybe the son may be annoyed out of the room and interrupt the educational conversation. It is possible that the Father will apply "disciplinary" measures to him. It is possible that they just stop the conversation, each remaining with her opinion. In any case, the development of events permit disagreement is unlikely. 2) understanding the behavior of the parent. Son: You know, Pa, my teacher is just a boy. Father: I would like to understand why you think so. What happens in school? Son: You see, he constantly says himself and never gives me to speak. And others do not like it in the class. Father: I understand, son. You would like to perform more often during classroom. Son: Of course, to speak out during classes, this is not such a great desire. And I absolutely do not understand why the teacher in the classes there speaks a lot. Father: What do you think, what does the teacher want to achieve, speaking before you? 21 Son: I do not know. I suspect that in part just wants to draw in front of us. And, of course, also wants us to know more. Father: Good. And what do you think about this? Son: Well, I think I want to know more. But it's hard to get knowledge from him! Probable result: Naturally, the world has not changed as a result of this short conversation. The son may have remained unsatisfied with his teacher. However, he did not move away from his father. They can safely continue the conversation on this topic. They can start discussing other ways to effectively cope with the situation that has arisen. Regarding the suggested positions, a number of additional comments can be made. Considered installations concern us. If we strive to understand another person and develop psychological contact with him, then this one must perceive them as objectively existing ones. It is possible that the interlocutor: there will be no behavior manifested by us even when we are convinced that we do it according to a particular installation; or will regard our behavior as the absence, in his opinion, interest in what he says; Or will be annoyed because we do not express your opinions and assessments when he asks us about it. Such a response of the interlocutor is quite likely. You do not need to be afraid. The process of mastering the skills of understanding communication in the initial period will not be smooth, first you will naturally experience certain difficulties, for some of you it is a new, unconscious, a way to maintain relationships. Therefore, your first attempts to communicate, based on the meaningful side of these installations, will be felt artificial or perceived by other people as a lack of openness in your behavior. Of course, such qualities of a person as dedication, resourcefulness, criticality, moderate aggressiveness, etc., are positive. But, together with this, the ability to listen and understand other people is essentially important as in a purely personal plan and socially. In conclusion, once again we emphasize that the techniques of understanding, unauthorized response to the thoughts and feelings of the CO-22 conversation contribute to the hidden psychological impact on him, as a result of which he subconsciously begins to feel increased attention to himself, sympathetic understanding and accepting his concerns and problems. He has a subjective sense of security at which it can be more open, without fear to be negatively estimated, to show the thoughts and feelings that are worried, and unconsciously begins to see in us an interesting and attentive interlocutor.

Effective

a) understanding communication - the excreable response to how sees (which says) to himself a partner, but also taking into account his behavior and conversation.

b) Reflexive communication - "I think for my partner and I want to understand whether I understand him correctly."

It is quite characteristic of a psychologist.

Ineffective

a) detrimental communication - infringement of partner rights

b) aggressive communication - then communication in the process of which is attacked by a partner.

c) Protective-aggressive communication - aggressive communication caused by another partner. Response form (consequence, special case of aggressive communication). Any aggression is a sign of weakness, this is a form through which a person is protected.

The intermediate form of effective and ineffective communication is a directive communication (direct, indicating) - direct impact on another without bringing his advantages, qualities, etc.

Most common in practice:

Most effective:

1) understanding communication

2) Directive Communication

Depends on 3 factors:

1) from goals;

2) on the level of development of relationships;

3) from a specific situation.

Views of understanding response

I. Simple phrases (actions), testifying to the presence of contact: "I am all in your attention," "I listen carefully", but not "I listen."

Behavioral acts:

1) The presence of eye contact

2) nodding head

3) the slopes of the body towards the interlocutor.

Reducing the distance between partners + voting reduction.

4) the lack of protective positions of the hand (hand at the face, at the mouth, at the forehead, at the cheek).

II. Praphrassed content of thoughts, states, feelings, experiences, openly expressed by the partner: "Do I understand correctly: so, so and so?", "Here you were told, etc."

III. Filming up hidden feelings of the interlocutor, which he does not declare, but he knows about, is experiencing.

Sounding is the actualization in consciousness that the partner hides, but what is very important (consultations and investigative interaction).

IV. Summing out resume (summation) after a certain stage of interaction.

V. Form forms, assurance, etc.

The employee partner is interested in the interlocutor and, among other things, can get more detailed information.

Difficulties in organizing an understanding of communication:

1) the difficulty of establishing contact with partner

2) the inability of the organizer to establish contact

Managed: "Let's right away to the case" - wrong.

There is a psychological barrier. Psychologists also sin with it.

3) The problem of accessing the boundaries of the pervolored: unfamiliar (weak) in the conversation process comes "far" and this is destroyed by contact (interaction), therefore, there is a tactics of retreat.

4) "Reading" of silence is an assessment of the silence of the interlocutor.

Characteristic of understanding communication

Source positions:

1) a person knows himself better than communication partner; Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to understand a person, and not to influence it (first to understand, and then impact).

2) understanding communication involves climate of confidence.

3) Main installations (social psychology) understanding communication):

a) Installation on a non-charge response. Manifests: I. In the desire to understand the other eyes (his own eyes); II. In the desire to get away from its own reference system; III. In the desire to get away from edgeodal (+, -) ratings.

b) Installation on the acceptance of the person of another as it is. It manifests itself in the desire of respect for another, regardless of who he is.

c) Installation on the consistency of its own behavior (and psychological readiness for this), emotions, words and actions. The mismatch of what is said and is done is very painful perceived by the partner and does not characterize understanding communication.

4) Rules of understanding communication:

I. Understanding communication involves listening to another and less and less (if 1 of the partners acts as an organizer of communication).

II. Follow the statements of the interlocutor.

To influence the other, you need to stand on the position of the slave.

III. Refrain from estimates and less thanks to distracting issues.

IV. React to personal information for a partner.

V. Strive to respond to the emotional state of the partner, and not only on the rational part.

The largest courses on the psychology of communication are read by intelligence.

Silence can be estimated in different ways:

1) evidence that man does not want to talk

2) Silence is a sign of consent.

These kinds are difficult to distinguish: one is replaced by another.

5) Inability to read non-verbal functions of the form of a partner. The complexity of their detection. Consequently, you need to raise professionalism (training, etc.). Experience is affected here: "What would this mean? In the professional form of activity, but not only in the family !!!

In the preparation of this work, materials from Studentu were used

The concept of communication and mutual understanding, their essence and meaning. Understanding as a goal of communication. What helps and interferes with communication. The establishment of mutual understanding, problems in the process of communicating and establishing mutual understanding, special problems. Various paintings of the world.

The look is one of the most powerful means of interaction and mutual understanding with full-time communication of people. Researchers of the language of the Mimici and gestures put forward a few explanations of the strength and power that the human eye has ..

Perceptual side of communication. Analysis of the dialogue from the point of view of transactional analysis, determination of the ego-condition of the interlocutors and the forms of the transaction. Pulmonary culture. Signs of groups of non-verbal elements (openness, protection, suspicion and hiddenness).

Essence, functions and specificity of business communication. The concept, typology and effects of perceptual barriers, their influence on the further course of the negotiations. Description of the main psychological mechanisms of perception of a business partner: identification, reflection and empathy.

Business interaction in the system Seller system. Structure and types of interaction. The theory of causal expectations of Kelly. Barriers in business interaction. Features of the perception of the buyer and the seller at various stages of sale.

Psychology of social perception (perceptual side of communication). The conceptual apparatus of PSPs. The main functions of the psychology of social perception.

Psychological justification of the hearing and its importance in a successful career and human business. Conditions and stages of the right hearing, the need for its proof. The value of the reflexive and non-reflective hearing in establishing contact with the interlocutor.

Psychological features of a public speech; preparation of the plan, abstracts and abstract performance; Expressiveness and conceptualness of speech. Psychological techniques of influence on the partner during business communication, the rules for the technique of establishing contact.

Essence of non-verbal communication. Approaches to it: socio-perceptual, communicative, paralynguistic, interactive. Types of non-verbal communication: voice, appearance, smile, view, movement, dance, gait, gestures, touch, hug, facial expressions.

The value of the effect of the first impression, practical recommendations for the formation of the first impression.

It is known that on behavior during family "disassembly" can be judged about the depths of the nature of the partner. But it turns out that even the desire or unwillingness to enter into negotiations is a peculiar test that helps spouses better understand each other.

Some people allow themselves for hours thoughtlessly chat, while others make a lot of money using the phone. In business, the phone serves as a second largest trade instrument in addition to your chief sales to your language.

People often express one, and think completely different. Therefore, it is important to learn to understand their true state. When transmitting information, only 7% is communicated with words, 30% is expressed by the voice of the voice and more than 60% in other non-verbal channels.

Effective communication is manifested in achieving and maintaining psychological contact with a partner in order to stabilize interpersonal relations at their optimal stage through compatibility, consent, mutual fitness.

Conditions for effective communication: contact, non-verbal communication, proper understanding of the interlocutor, responding to the information of the interlocutor. Basic rules and techniques for increasing communication efficiency: the first impression, smile, compliment, the ability to listen.

Preparation and procedure for negotiating. Methods of negotiation. Summing up negotiations.

Communicating with other people, we make the impression of them not only by what they say, but also as - in facial expression, intonation, body movements. Having learned to understand this "language", you can determine the real state of the person.

The structure of communication, methods for its implementation. Functions of imperative, manipulative and dialogic types interpersonal communication. Features of primitive, business and secular communication. Allocation of psychological mechanisms of perception of the interlocutor.

Listening to the ability to listen in business. Types of hearing: reflexive, nonflexive, empathic. Features and techniques of active and passive hearing in business negotiations. Conditions providing psychologically correct listening to the interlocutor and partner

Preparing for negotiations or communicating with a partner, ask yourself the question: "How is my behavior that depends entirely on me, may affect my partner's decision?", And build your psychological communication tactics accordingly.

In many situations of communication, a person faces the fact that his words, his desires and motives are somehow incorrectly perceived by the interlocutors, "do not reach". Sometimes it even makes the impression that the interlocutor is protected from us, our words and experiences that he builds some obstacles, protective structures, fences and plentine on the path of communication. Passing through the jams of these barriers, our words are stuck in part in them, part of unrecognizable, we are unrecognizable, part of some catches, so it is impossible to find them later. Meanwhile, there are (though, much less frequently) and such situations, when what we say is not encountered to obstacles when the path is transmitted, complete understanding is opened and achieved. What does the appearance of barriers depends why they arise that they protect and are there any general rules Defense, construction and operation of these "fortification facilities"?

The question of the effectiveness of human communication is universal. Chat barriers can be associated with the characters of people, their aspirations, views, speech features, with manners of communication. And the reasons for many conflicts, mutual disagreements and discontent of people both in personal and professional spheres are not least lied in the misunderstanding of techniques for effective communication, in the inability to use them.

Studies of communication issues and practical observations allow all possible techniques or types of response of people who are in interpersonal contact can be conditionally grouped by the parameter of "effectiveness-inefficiency" in terms of the implementation of communication objectives.

In general, the basic conditions of any practical communication are the skills and skills of a person to use the so-called understanding ideological response techniques when interacting with other people. The main causes of the ineffectiveness of any real communication are the tendency and habits of a person to resort when interacting with the interlocutor to the contiguous-compliant and protective and aggressive forms of behavior as inadequate deputies of understanding and policy communion.

Understanding communication - This is a targeted interaction, focused on understanding the interlocutor and the manifestation of respect for his personality in the form of non-valuation reactions to its statements and emotional states.

Receptions of understanding communication contribute to the establishment and development of contact, positive relationships, studying the personal characteristics of the interlocutor, to clarify its point of view on the problem under discussion, etc. These techniques are often called interlocutor oriented, diagnostic communication or reflexive communication technique.

In psychological literature, the most well-established term can be considered "reflective communication" to denote understanding communication. In psychological plan, he means the following: "When interacting with the interlocutor, I, as a mirror," reflect "his thoughts and feelings, seeking to think about and understand them with his eyes without any evaluation."

Control-compliant communication - This is a targeted interaction focused on the understanding of the interlocutor, but containing the reaction of inappropriate imputation of its feelings, aspirations and goals, as well as unjustified concessions to the interlocutor.

Directive communication - This is a targeted interaction, focused on the provision of direct psychological impact on a person to achieve its goals and consisting of reactions expressing their own estimates, views, aspirations and goals.

These goals, both in personal life and professional activities, can in a broad sense to achieve mutually beneficial agreements with a partner, in psychological impact on it, in defending their interests in the context of disagreements and conflicts or in their own protection against aggressive attacks and threats from interlocutor.

Protective-aggressive communication - This is a targeted interaction, focused on the provision of direct psychological impact on the interlocutor to achieve its goals, but carried out in such a form that can humiliate the feeling of self-esteem, ignoring the needs and interests of the partner.

So, effective communication should include understanding and policy receptions and, if possible, exclude aggressive and contiguous-compliant reactions when interacting with other people.

So - What are those skills, skills and methods of behavior that we must have to be more oriented to understand other people?

Understanding communication settings.

Receptions of understanding communication are a combination of such rules, skills and skills to work with people who can be assimilated and acquired without particularly pre-psychological training. The subject-oriented subject in the role of studing, when interacting with a partner, emphasizes its attention primarily on the internal reference system (evaluating criteria, values, motives, problems) of their partner, and not on their own.

Why is the orientation of the reference system (thoughts and feelings) of the interlocutor, and not to his own? The importance of this provision is that the partner knows himself, its needs, his life situation is better than us. Therefore, we need to help him develop their thoughts, and not "push" it, according to our ideas. The fact is that when we are trying to understand the inner world of another person and study its values, convictions, ideals, etc., the usual form of interaction - send a partner, asking questions, especially those that seem to be " Probed "deeper and which, according to our conviction, he did not ask himself yet.

Although such forms of interaction are necessary, but they are usually useful only after we have received certain information about how this other person himself represents and is experiencing its situation or problem.

In addition, open communication with the person we want to understand and explore, will occur only in the case when we are able to create a trusting relationship (climate, atmosphere, psychological contact). The feeling of trust is essential for self-discharge of a partner without fear that it will be appreciated, and its frankness will be used to the detriment of him. As the practice of communication is shown, significant to create a climate of trust (or the emergence and development of psychological contact with the interlocutor) are the following conditions or installations:

Understanding the negative response to the thoughts, feelings and submission of the partner;

Positive adoption of the interlocutor as a person;

Coherence of own behavior when interacting with another person.

Installation - This conscious person's readiness to respond in a certain way in a specific situation in accordance with its needs, goals and objectives.

Consider these settings in more detail.

Installation on understanding response. Installation on understanding negartial response implies a conscious desire to respond to the thoughts and state of the interlocutor in order to see them with his eyes and catch the quality of these states (fear, doubt, anxiety, anger, etc.). Its formation is associated with the ability of a person to understand and predict the thoughts and emotional state of the partner to communicate, as if by putting himself in his place.

In psychology, this ability is called Empathy. Therefore, in literature on communication, you can often meet such concepts as "empathy", "empathic communication", which in content coincide with understanding communication.

An understanding response does not mean our consent with what the partner says and feels, but there is a manifestation of the desire to unbialy understand his position, the life situation without ratings in his address. Such a response requires our skills for a while to get away from its own assessment system and try to understand the experiences of the interlocutor, the state of its inner world. If he tries that his thoughts are understood and accepted correctly, he will begin to trust us and will be ready to further discuss exciting questions, revealing its internal states.

Assessing the type of understanding of another person usually causes protective reactions that prevent him from manifesting openness and develop their thoughts deeper, since the interlocutor is subconsciously or quite consciously begins to hear negative assessments, feel that he does not understand and are not acceptable. Another reason why an assessing response may cause protective reactions of the interlocutor, is that many people perceive these attempts as our invasion of their autonomy or as an attempt on their right to have exactly such thoughts, looks, worry that such emotional states and feelings.

So, when we are trying to study and understand another person and help him to realize their problems deeper, then understanding the response contributes to the self-dispersion of the feelings and thoughts of the interlocutor, and the evaluating response hinders.

Installation of the identity of the interlocutor is our willingness and a desire to communicate with a person to show it to him certainly positive attention and respect, regardless of its advantages and disadvantages.

The more you are able to take another person in the course of communication, to accept what he talks about himself and about his problems, the more he is able to reveal himself - and good and bad, and therefore, it is free and deeper, it begins to discuss and analyze his thoughts , presentations and feelings. It is important to note that the installation of the identity of the interlocutor is ready to exercise true, and not a discernment. That is, this is a readiness to show benevolence to the personality of the partner as a whole with all the positive and negative parties.

Installation on the consistency of its behavior when interacting with the interlocutor means the sincerity of his behavior in communicating with him. In practice, the coherence of behavior occurs when the fact that we openly express the interlocutor with words and gestures is consistent with the fact that we really feel at the moment of conversation, and then when we ourselves are aware of our inner emotional state.

Being fully agreed in communicating with all people, all the time and in all situations, of course, it is impossible and even undesirable. However, the consistency of behavior is a very important condition in those situations where partners seek to understand each other and want to develop relationships.

Summarizing the basic components of understanding behavior in communication, one can say: it is necessary to sincerely strive to obtain additional information about the thoughts and feelings of the partner without any assessment, recognize the right of the interlocutor, as opposed to your ideas, personal features, tastes, preferences, etc.; And also coordinate your verbal behavior with those emotional states that you have in the course of interaction.

Rules of understanding response.

To effectively understand and explore the interlocutor, to develop psychological contact with him, it is advisable to follow the following rules:

Listen more and say less, "follow" for the statements of the interlocutor, seeking to clarify them deeper;
- refrain from your estimates, less asking questions less, and do not "push it" to discuss it, about which he "should" speak;
- seek primarily to respond to personal meaningful information related to the needs and interests of the partner;
- Strive to respond to feelings and emotional states of the interlocutor.

Consider the rule that requires more responding to a personal meaningful than impersonal.

Under the "personal" means that material (or information) from all of the said interlocutor, who is directly related to its significant needs and interests, in contrast to information about other people, abstract ideas, events, situations or theoretical reflections.

The psychological assumption that underlies this rule is as follows: if we react to the most significant and most directly related to the needs and experiences of the interlocutor, then we, as it were, "help him" to freely express and discuss their personal ideas on those or other problems.

Consider the following rule: to follow the idea of \u200b\u200bthe interlocutor more than "push" him in a conversation. Under the "follow-up for the thought of the interlocutor" we will understand the response to what he said from his own point of view and thereby encouraging him to further discuss his thoughts and feelings. By "pushing" we will understand such a response to his statement, which focuses and encourages him to consider the issues that, in our opinion, he should be discussed.

Another rule: a greater emphasis on clarifying said by the interlocutor than the formulation of issues, or the statement of his own opinions. The use of questions in the early stages of the conversation can actually impede understanding the interlocutor, his thoughts and feelings, and also contribute to the emergence of psychological barriers. After all, what are the questions? Psychological plan is usually direct "pushing" of the interlocutor. And they may have a devastating effect on communication, if they focus on specific areas, the spheres and however distracting the attention of the partner with his own thoughts and experiences.

The second problem with the formulation of issues is that by asking them, we take the initiative of the conversation in our hands, we begin to go in conversation from ourselves. However, the question immediately arises, and how to be with the initiative, energetic when conducting targeted conversations. The initiative, of course, is needed, but the question is when it is appropriate to show it and how.

The third problem with the formulation of issues is that their form itself (suspicious, silent tone) can cause a protective response of the interlocutor. All this does not contribute to the development of confidence, and also makes it difficult to communicate in general. On the other hand, some questions simply cannot be answered, or at least they are not easy to answer. That is why, as a general orientation, it is more useful and safer to avoid setting questions when we want to understand the interlocutor. And especially in cases where we do not have a complete picture of how the interlocutor sees his situation or problem himself.

Consider the rule: greater response to feelings than the content of the above.

This rule is based on numerous studies and extensive consultative psychological practice. Moreover, the response to feelings is a more direct and short way to identify the relevant thoughts, ideas and views of the interlocutor underlying its sensory states.

The psychological mechanism acting in this case is next. The response to feelings contributes to the emergence of the interlocutor of those ideas, views and thoughts that are connected with these feelings and underlie them. The fact is that the emotional states of a person are directly related to his needs and interests. They are a form and degree of expression of satisfaction or dissatisfaction with these needs, as well as a personal significance indicator for the interlocutor of the situation under discussion or name. Therefore, reacting to the sensual tone of the speech of the partner, we, figuratively expressing, "click on the trigger". We are faster and more naturally encouraging it to express those ideas that are related to its needs and interests in the situation under discussion, in contrast to the case of direct response to the rational component of its statement (for maintenance).

Summing up the discussion of the general characteristics or rules of understanding response, we note once again that this technique requires: firstly, a very careful and intensive hearing, as well as attention to the fact that the interlocutor is trying to express; Secondly, careful selection from its statements of those aspects that need to be reacting first.

Views of understanding response

Under the type of response, a specific behavioral reaction or behavioral act in real communication with a partner is meant.

The types of response include:

Simple phrases confirming the presence of contact - "yes-yes", "so-so", "of course", etc., which, as it were, "say" to the interlocutor, that we listen to him and understand what he says. The main function of such phrases is to confirm contact with the interlocutor; Using them along with non-verbal reactions, express attention and interest in it. Such reactions are especially useful when the interlocutor began to express his thoughts and has not yet expressed them completely.

Rephrase the thoughts and senses of a partner, expressed openly, we will "inform the interlocutor our understanding of what he says or feels. Rephrase is most useful when we want to check if the interlocutor understood correctly, and especially when it was felt that he himself had difficulty in formulating thought, or when he expressed her not fully. Perephrasing also performs the function of confirming the contact: we "report" to the interlocutor that we are trying to understand it. The difference of this reception or type from others is that it reflects only that the interlocutor said clearly, openly.

Finding out hidden thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor. When using the "admission to find out", we react to what, in our opinion, is in the consciousness of a partner of communication, although not expressed to them openly. With this technique (reacting), we are trying to penetrate deeper into the feelings of the interlocutor, guess his thoughts that he does not express openly. The difference between the reaction of this type from simple paraphrase is that they are: a) help the interlocutor to orient his attention to a more distinct understanding of their own thoughts and feelings not expressed to them openly; b) contribute to the emergence of personal meaningful ideas in his mind related to the topic of conversation; c) give him a feeling that he is correctly heard and understood.

Sensing "basic", not fully conscious feelings of the interlocutor. Reception of "sensing", unlike the previous one, implies an impact on those feelings that they are not realized, or are not fully realized, but which are based on what he is trying to express in words. The response to not fully realized feelings helps the interlocutor to fully realize them and contributes to the discussion of new problems that arise in connection with this.

Such reactions aimed at a kind of "breakthrough of consciousness" of the interlocutor help him understand the reasons for their emotional experiences, which were not quite clear to him before.

When using this technique in practice, a number of difficulties are often arising: first, this is the problem of the failure of a possible when the reception "does not happen" or "does not fall into the point." Sensing techniques should be used with great caution and only when a good psychological climate has been established.

So, the problem is "exitting the boundaries of the permitted".

The first difficulty is that although we can be quite sure that these feelings the interlocutor is experiencing, he may be unable to accept, comprehend them as real as they are completely excluded from his consciousness. This situation often occurs when a person has a strong psychological defense, which does not "miss" these feelings in his consciousness, because of their pain.

In this case, two dangers immediately arise: the interlocutor may feel that he misunderstood and starts to question our ability to correctly understand his thoughts as he sees them himself; He may assume that we went too far, or even allowed tactlessness. In this case, he will be inclined to think that we show excessive liberation when interpreting what he said. On the other hand, the partner for communication may even perceive us even when its "basic" feelings are recognized by them, but he is not yet ready to recognize and discuss them openly.

Usually in this case, protective reactions are manifested: care, the transition to a meaningful level, as if separating it from its experiences, and, as a result, there is a secretive.

In general, although the potential utility of this reception is large, but the risk associated with the transition of the permitted boundary may be destructive. That is why the use of such a reception requires special caution and alike on your part.

In case of non-shifting ", the unattainable possible when using the" sounding of basic feelings "reception also arise difficulties.

Usually, under the "unacaring possible" situations are understood when we are in conversation systematically overcome the opportunities provided by the interlocutor, and in their reactions, as it were, the power of its emotional experiences, we underestimate their intensity. The "unattainable possible" can be attributed to the situation when we react more to the content of the partner's statements, we react to the rational side, and not on the sensual tone of speech. With such constant "non-shifting" in our "probing" reactions, communication ceases to develop deep into. The discussion remains as if on a self-evident level, as if moving along a closed circle, despite what the interlocutor is completely open in conversation. Here you just need to not be afraid to probing a partner deeper, responding to its emotional states.

Silence as a reaction type. Silence as a type of response is usually used in communication unconsciously, unfinished. Nevertheless, the absence of a verbal reaction - in itself there is a form of reaction and can be very effective, especially when a partner for communicating is needed to remain alone with him, or when he discusses, considers, analyzes his thoughts and feelings during the conversation . The effective use of silence largely depends on what the interlocutor is experiencing.

Our silence can be perceived differently, depending on the content and sensual tone of the conversation. For example, he can perceive our silence positively, as the form of his acceptance by us, if the non-verbal components of our behavior (nodding, attentive glance, blinking through eyes, etc. etc.), as it were, confirm him that we understand the need to leave it Alone with her thoughts and feelings. Or, on the contrary, partner can perceive our silence negatively, as his rejection. If our silence is perceived this way, it can be a source of confusion, irritation or even anger from the interlocutor, it will block the development of psychological contact.

So, in what cases "taking silence" is useful?

Silence from our side is useful when we feel that the interlocutor does not need to interrupt and distract from the development of his thoughts and feelings; Or when he himself wants silently to digest what he just said, and he begins to realize the personally significant feelings, previously blocked (such as feelings of fear, despair, wrath, confusion and tragedy).

How do we react to the silence of the interlocutor?

When it is advisable for silence to respond with silence: if the interlocutor reflects, as if "digesting" his thoughts and feelings. After that, you can communicate in other ways to help the partner verbally make up its reflections. For example, we can use the technique of clarifying hidden thoughts and feelings. There are other reasons for which a person ships in a conversation. Silence can mean its internal resistance in response to too strong "sensing" of feelings. In short, the silence of the interlocutor can have different reasons and respond to it should also be different in accordance with what, in our opinion, is experiencing a partner.

You can still add that "taking silence" in the conversation is not really such a simple reaction for most of us, since the speech activity of a person is considered one of the socially appreciated qualities and is brought up from childhood. Usually our natural motivation when communicating - seeks to fill out the pauses arising with words. And it is especially difficult to stay silent when the interlocutor is experiencing very strong feelings. There is no discomfort subjectively, it almost unconsciously encourages us to say something to a partner to smooth his experiences, or if we do not know how to tune in to the interlocutor's wave, reject these experiences.

Non-verbal reactions.Our non-verbal behavior is the expression of the face, the posture, voice tone, gestures, etc. - Much more precisely, "reports a partner about our attitude to him, about the degree of our respect than any words and allegations. In addition, in non-verbal reactions, a person is harder to pretend and fake, because the "body language" by us, as a rule, is not realized.

The methods considered above are the so-called "pure" understanding reactions to the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor. There are still techniques that can be considered intermediate or mixed and attribute them to either to understand, or to a directive depending on how they are used. These reactions include "Interpretation", "Summation", "Capturing", "Certification" and "Questions from the Position of a Partner". Why do these reactions refer to intermediate? By nature, these are understanding reactions to the thoughts, statements and feelings of the interlocutor. But in these reactions, our position, our opinion is more pronounced than in the "clean" understanding reactions discussed earlier. Therefore, depending on the specific situation of communication and the forms of their use, these reactions may acquire a directive, guiding nature.

Interpretation. This is a variant of "sensing" of basic, not fully conscious feelings and states of the partner. In the form of response "Interpretation" - this is how to reconstruct that the interlocutor is trying, but until it can express expressive form. Reception "Interpretation" is useful to apply when a good psychological contact with the interlocutor was established. The main purpose of this reception is to help him see the links or some aspects of his situation that he is not fully aware.

Summizing. An introduction similar to interpretation is only in this case the main ideas and feelings of the interlocutor, expressed by them openly in a specific fragment of the conversation. Here the point of view of the "listening" is mostly present than in simple rephrase. Summarizing reactions help to combine conversation fragments into some sense unity. They give us the confidence that we accurately perceived the message of the interlocutor, and our partner helps to understand how much he managed to convey his thought.

Summary is especially useful in situations arising from discussing disagreements, contradictions, conflict resolution, problem situations.

Pripading and assurance "We as if we calm the interlocutor, we encourage him to continue the started conversation when he hesitates and does not decide to speak further."

"Capturing" and "assurance" is, on our part - a way to confirm that we want to accept his thoughts and feelings, regardless of how they would not be. Sometimes such reactions are useful at the very beginning of the conversation and they are also called "opening". These reactions remove tensions from the speaker, arising because of the fear of being not understood or get silent refusal. At the same time, recapading reactions can take such a form that instead of encouraging a partner to continue the conversation, they will interfere with communication, perceive as coercion ("Well, let's" etc.). Such "prubing" will most likely lead to the termination of the conversation or the care of the interlocutor from what he wanted to tell.

Questions explaining the position of the interlocutor. These are not evaluative questions that are our reaction to the said and expressed by the interlocutor in a conversation. The main goal of such issues is the desire to clarify the thought, feelings and submission of a partner. We, although we guide it, but at the same time we attract attention to certain aspects of its own experiences, thoughts and ideas. The clarifying issue is an appeal to the speaker for clarifications. And such non-assessment questions help make his statement more understandable, contributes to more accurate his perception of the listening.

Difficulties and limits to the use of technology of understanding communication in real interaction.

Cooling - It happens when the partner on communication persistently returns to the same topic, as if stuck in the development of his thoughts.

Frequent use of confirming phrases like "Yeah", "Yes," and others. Can promote loop. One of the ways to overcome the loop of such a kind - to try to react deeper to the feelings of the interlocutor.

The looping can occur both on a completely opposite reason: when we constantly move the border of the partner permissible when sensing the senses. In this case, the loop occurs because the latter is not ready to accept our probing reactions and seeks to take away from the discussion of the disturbing senses in a less dangerous region or translates the discussion to the substantive level.

The third reason for the cycling of the interlocutor in the conversation is his subjective dissatisfaction with the fact that, having finished discussing the topic, he, however, could not consider it deeper. In such cases, it is also useful sometimes to respond deeper on the thoughts and senses of a partner, thereby trying to clarify those ideas and feelings of the latter in which he "prompt."

Depth or reaction force. This is a problem of response to the partner's statements in such a way that they have said cleared on, and not just repeated by us. Such a response allows him not only to adopt said, but also move in reasoning on. That is why the simple repetition of the said interlocutor can push it to looping on some topic, since a simple repetition of what he said does not help him clarify his thoughts and feelings.

Using stereotypical reactions. "Stereotyping" is the use of the same reactions in the conversation again and again.

Repeating use in the conversation of the same phrase often annoys a partner, and also gives rise to a suspicion that we play with him in some kind of game, trying to "outstand" information from it. The interlocutor in such cases can perceive us as a "mechanical clockwork" of a person who is not interested in what he says and tells us. The way out of these situations is one - to be attentive, diversify your vocabulary and train in the daily practice of communication.

Selection of feelings. A very difficult problem of responding to a sense of communication partner is the selection of those emotional states that need to be reacting.

Two main difficulties:

Most of us are not accustomed to, not accustomed to "listen" the feelings of the interlocutor. When we really acquire the initial skills to listen to feelings, it is found that the interlocutor during the conversation can simultaneously express several different emotional states. And the question arises - which of them should be reacting?

It is usually useful to react and "pull" to the surface of the consciousness of a partner negative and contradictory feelings. But he can experience several negative states at the same time. The best in such circumstances is to respond to those sensual states that, in our opinion, are experienced by the interlocutor. Most strongly.

Temporary response agreement (synchronization, backlog). Of course, there is a problem here in our ability to distinguish when our response is productive, and when interference breaks the flow of the partner's reflection. If there is doubt about it, it is generally safer not to interrupt it, but continue to listen.

Reacting and pushing. The following problem is the problem of distinguishing between understanding reaction and "pushing".

First, part of the difficulty is rooted in our natural trend more directly. Therefore, at the first attempts of understanding response, we can find that our reaction, which, in our opinion, as understanding, ultimately turned out to be "pushing" partner.

Secondly, it is almost impossible to strictly determine the distinction between the guides, "pushing" reactions and understanding. Essentially, any of our statements affect a person, encourage something. The main thing here is that our reactions meet the views of the partner, are binding to or not with its reference system.

Response in accordance with the expectations of the partner. When using understanding technology, an important issue is the compliance of our reactions to the expectations of a partner to communicate.

The problem of non-equivalent exchange. When using understanding technology, it may be a feeling that, mostly, the partner says, and we only react to its ideas and feelings, encouraging him to develop their thoughts. Such a state leads to the mismatch of our own behavior in cooperation. In such cases, it is useful to share its feelings with a partner for communication.

The fact is that in real life, people are very rarely "heard" others. This is due to the fact that in the cultures of many peoples such, socially approved personality qualities as: purposefulness; perseverance in achieving their goals; Competitiveness, leading ability. These qualities are little complemented by the development of other qualities necessary for effective interaction with other people, such as the ability and ability to spend and understand another person.

Therefore, in real life, most of us experiences a chronic deficit of sincere hearing by other people. That is why when we really listen to a person using the above techniques, we give him high attention and unconditional understanding of his concerns and problems. All this with interest compensates for our subjective concerns that when using understanding techniques, non-equivalent exchanges are exchanged in cooperation with a partner for communication.

Characteristic of policy communication.

Such qualities of a person as purposefulness, perseverance in defending their point of view, the provision of impact on people and achieving their interests and goals when interacting with them belong to the number of integral socially approved qualities of a person in modern world. However, the form of settling its interests very often impedes, and does not contribute to their implementation and leads to the emergence of psychological barriers, conflicts and other negative consequences. And this happens because, based on the specific conditions of your life, many people get the skills and habits of protective-aggressive behavior as an ineffective deputy decision-making. Fixing, they become quite sustainable human personality and typical features of his communicative qualities.

Installations and rules for the policy response.

Installation on open behavior, active actions to achieve their goals. When you behave directly, you openly express yourself, let yourself know the interlocutor to find out where you are striving for, you take and declare certain positions, you protect your rights and act, based on your beliefs and goals. It should be noted that not in all life situations may be acceptable to behave directively. There may be cases when it is advisable and necessary to refrain from actions in accordance with its goals because you have no resources, conditions, experience to resolutely achieve these goals.

Installation on a straight and open failure to perform actions that from your point of view do not serve your meaningful interests and goals, or which for a number of reasons you consider unacceptable. But at the same time, the directivity does not mean that you are acting egoistic. Directive means that you do not ignore, do not deny your own needs, rights and feelings in favor of the interests of other people (the ability and determination of saying "no"), and strive to achieve your goal, interacting with the partner and taking into account the achievement of their goals and needs .

The installation is effectively and resolutely to protect yourself from aggressive behavior of a partner for communicating or personal attacks on your address. That is, you have the right and able to defend yourself in situations of threats, criticism and personal insults, but without becoming hostile or protective-aggressive to the opponent.

Installation on an open, direct and clear expression of its positions, intentions and purposes.

Installation on achieving its goals in cooperation with a partner, taking into account the satisfaction of certain significant needs and interests of the latter. In other words, it is necessary to take into account the personal features of the interlocutor, his interests and needs.

These statements can be expressed by the following recommendations:

Express your position, aspirations, feelings and ideas are openly, clearly and right without apologies or accompanying both yourself and the opponent;

When discussing specific actions, positions, when providing impact, make a greater emphasis on the advantages or negative consequences to achieve the goals of the communication partner;

Avoid using personal attacks, humiliation or threats to the opponent, i.e. Strive to bind the goals with the objectives of the opponent, and not with his personal features;

Clearly realize and control its emotional states during the interaction and strive to direct them to implement positive actions;

Use "positive" words and expressions; If possible, avoid "emotional-loaded" phrases and estimated judgments or indifference to the personality of a partner and his interests;

Avoid impatience, empty ranting and tender-humilizing manner of circulation.

Types of policy react.

Expression of doubt (or "open call").

This technique is the statement of statements expressing an open doubt in the reliability, correctness, truthfulness that the interlocutor expressed.

When using the reception, doubt should be supported by the arguments, facts, examples, arguments that show a partner to the inconsistency of its position of the real situation or facts, as well as negative consequences to implement it or your interests, if his position remains unchanged, and help him see the problem In a broader perspective interaction.

Since the reaction of the statement of doubt carries a hidden appraisal judgment, there is always a fear that it can be perceived by the interlocutor negatively. This technique is more useful to use in those stages of the conversation when the partner is already ready to listen to our estimated judgments.

The expression of consent or disagreement carries an estimated judgment. Approval, disapproval, as its estimated judgment, we express openly. This technique is useful to use in the later stages of the conversation when the interlocutor himself asks us to express their rating.

Even the expression of approval and consent with the statements of the interlocutor at the beginning of the conversation can lead to a violation of contact, since our approvals can be perceived as estimated, gentic, especially if their tone will be perceived as mentor.

Or, on the contrary, with excessive expression of approval, the consent partner can perceive our reactions, as accuading-gentic and cease to respect us.

Directive reactions include advice, offer, explanation. We give recommendations on the problem or situations regarding either one or both interlocutors. Such techniques are most useful at the end of the conversation. They must be supported by the arguments, facts, examples, arguments, emphasize the partner's attention on the possible positive consequences of the implementation of the needs and interests meaningful for him, if he accepts our advice, and negative if he ignores them. Techniques in the form of the Council, proposals, explanations, we can express our position to the partner, the goal, its own interest, the preferred course of action, suggest your solution to the problem under discussion, etc.

In psychological terms it is important that the form of expression is important: clarity, clarity, confidence in our own ideas, the lack of protective reactions, and the main thing - linking the proposed solution with the needs and interests of the interlocutor. This contributes to the formation of his idea of \u200b\u200byou, at least, as a decent partner, with whom you can deal.

Conviction.

This reception is considered stronger than a simple advice or recommendation. In a broad sense, the process of interpersonal interaction, in which we actively strive to increasing the partner to take a specific point of view, cause a certain psychological emotional state, to incline him to take a certain position or achieve its consent to a certain course of action that contribute to the achievement of our goals, needs . In a broad sense, the conviction coincides with the psychological impact.

In a narrow sense, under the conviction as a way of psychological impact, it implies the achievement of a conscious adoption by a partner by our position that becomes its own motive behavior. When, during such interaction, he takes our position, agrees with it, without assessing it critically, such an impact is called suggestion. If we achieve the partner of consent with our position, contrary to its inner convictions, views and values, and under the pressure of the inevitability of the occurrence of negative consequences for him in case of disagreement, such an impact is usually called coercion, i.e. There is a motive of fear that exceeds the internal motives of behavior.

Forcing, as a rule, contains a hidden or direct threat, the intention to punish a partner if it does not act as we want it. It is important to emphasize that in the "clean" coercion to the opponent by caution, warnings, a hint, requirements, orders or threats are information that we will implement (or do not implement) concrete actions that will cause great damage to its vital interests and goals If the latter does not agree to act in the right direction.

Forcing in the form of orders or threat is the last tool. Coercion is limited by those situations in which all other means of psychological impacts were unsuccessful, and at the same time we are convinced of the need to impose our will to the interlocutor. From a psychological point of view, the effectiveness of coercion significantly depends on the form of its application.

The acceptability of the above response techniques in communication is primarily dependent on the purpose of the conversation. To a large extent, it depends on the level of development of relationships, the depth of the interlocutor's study. In general, the reaction of understanding communication is most effective in the early and middle stages of conversations; The intermediate level reactions are useful at their later stages, the directive reactions are most appropriate at the final or final stages of conversations. The acceptability and usefulness of any form of response depends on the content of a particular situation, contact, specific conditions for communication, motives, interaction objectives, etc.

An interesting and original understanding of those socio-psychological mechanisms that create barriers to the path of communicative impact, proposed an outstanding Soviet scientist, B.F. Porchnev. He came to the conclusion that in his original creature we were a way of suggestion, or Suggestion. He wrote this as follows: "Every talking inspiring." Therefore, although all the talking inspires, however, not any verbal suggestion is acceptable as such, because in the overwhelming majority of cases on face and counter psychological activity, called counterpartgy.

B.F. Pisthennev, considering the mechanism of counterfeiting, allocated its types such as "avoiding", "misunderstanding" and "authority".

Since counterfeiting is protection against suggestion, and the suggestion is possible only if you have confidence in the one who inspires, then, in fact, all the counterface is - it is protection against trust (or gullibility).

If we do not trust a person, then we can leave, do not listen to him, etc. And thereby blocking its communication. Consequently, it is important to be able to determine who "strangers".

Avoiding - This is an avoidance of sources of influence, contact evasion with a partner, in which no communication becomes impossible at all. Identifying a partner as a dangerous in some point, "someone else's", a person simply avoids communication with him or, if it is impossible to completely donate, makes every effort to not perceive his message. From the side of this "defense" very well visible - the person is inattentive, does not listen, does not look at the interlocutor, constantly finds a reason to distract, uses any preposition to stop talking.

Avoiding as a type of protection against exposure is manifested not only in avoiding people, but also in evasion of certain situations, such in which the danger of "harmful" impact may arise.

Thus, the easiest way to protect against impact is to avoid contact with the source of this impact.

Its action lies in the fact that, dividing all people on authoritative and non-unsports, people trusts trusts only first and refuses it to the second. Authoritative people are full confidence and in relation to their speech counterfeiting "does not work." But to all the rest, to whom in credibility, there is no confidence, and, therefore, what they say does not matter. Thus, the trust and distrust "depend" is not the features of the transmitted information, but from the one who speaks.

In connection with such an action of the authority, it is very important to know where it is taken from where the assignment to a particular authority is depends on. Obviously, here you can find many different "bases". It may be social status (status) partner, its superiority at the currently important parameter, belonging to this partner to the real "authoritative" social group, or its attractiveness in certain situations, a good attitude to the addressee of the impact, belonging to the imaginary, but important to him in groups, which he certainly trusts.

Misunderstanding.

It is not always possible to determine the source of information as a dangerous, someone else's or non-unsportant and thus protect against unwanted impact. Quite often some kind of potentially dangerous information for humans can proceed from people who are generally trusted ("their" or completely authoritative). In this case, the protection will be "misunderstanding" of the message itself. Any message can not be understood - according to the result, the same thing is that you do not hear and not see, only the impact is spent now elsewhere.

B.F.Porshnev highlights four levels of misunderstanding - phonetic, semantic, stylistic and logical.

Phonetic level of misunderstanding.

Indeed, if we are talking to a non-understandable language for us, on a foreign, for example, we can be calm - the suggestion does not threaten us. We do not understand anything, since the listening in this case has not a set background than the speaker, and the pronouncing merges to it in difficultly distinguishable or at all is not a distinguishable stream. Phonetic misunderstanding has a range from insignificant (for example, in the pronouncement of some words) to full and can have different sources.

The phonetic barrier, like everyone else, works automatically. Action: We do not understand the phonetically unusual speech. Meanwhile, it is defense, since it can be "removed" - if it is very important for us to get a message, then we understand any, even completely incoherent speech.

Semantic level of misunderstanding.

Automatically triggers protection against exposure and in the event that communication occurs in our language, but according to the transmitted meaning it is "someone else's". In this case, not someone else's phonetics are recorded, but someone else's semantics, and you can talk about semantic misunderstanding. The existence of this barrier on the path of understanding is determined by the very fact of the meaningfulness of the words of any language. Any word, and any action, it is usually not one value and, depending on the context of use, includes many more meaning of the "semantic fields" of words different people Different, and, consequently, the same words and actions can for different reasons to have a different meaning for different people.

Especially good is visible on the example of the use of jargon or secret languages.

For an adequate understanding of any message, a certain community of "thesaurus" of the sender of information and the addressee is needed. This term was introduced by the Soviet philosopher Yu.A. Shreder. Under it is understood by the "view of the world", the entire combination of information that this person has.

Stylistic level of misunderstanding.

A person is obliged to understand and, therefore, to reflect in some answer or action only the verbal appeal, which is subordinate to the established grammatical structure. Otherwise, he is entitled to crack contacting as an ignorant or foreigner, and in the case of a deep violation of grammar, do not make sense in his words and, therefore, ignore them.

Not only an explicit violation of grammar causes a misunderstanding reaction, but also a clear impairment of style, some relationship between the form and the content of the message.

It may lead to misunderstanding and stylized re-delivery when the native language is perceived almost as a foreign one.

It is important to note that the style is not only a way of verbal messages, but also a way to achieve compliance of the form and content in communication.

Logical level of misunderstanding.

Another reason for the ineffectiveness of communication can be a logical level, which is caused by a rejection by one of the participants in the communication of the logic and the arguments of the other. If a person, from our point of view, speaks or does something in contradiction with the rules of logic, then we not only refuse to understand, but also emotionally perceive it negatively. At the same time implicitly assume that the logic is only one - correct, i.e. our. But each person lives and thinks in its logic, but in communication, if these logic are not correlated or if a person has no clear idea of \u200b\u200bthe logic of a partner, about its differences from its own, then and "triggers" the barrier of the logical level of misunderstanding.

In practice, to identify a more inherent psychological protection in communication, many existing techniques exist for this. I used the methodology for diagnosing the dominant psychological protection strategy in communication V.V. Boyko. Boyko V.V. Highlights three strategies: avoiding, peacefulness and aggression.

Peaceful- Psychological strategy for the protection of the subjective reality of the individual, in which intelligence and character play a leading role.

Avoiding - psychological strategy for the protection of subjective reality, based on the economy of intellectual and emotional resources.

Aggression - Psychological strategy for the protection of a person's subjective reality, acting on the basis of instinct.

I received the following results:

Kuznetsova E.E., 22 years - avoidance; Nikitin M.M., 30 liters. - Avoiding.

External barriers. On the basis of the analysis of counterplow species, the following conclusions can be drawn. Protection against the effects of another in communication can take a form of avoidance, denial of the authority of the source or misunderstanding. In all cases, the result of the response of one or another barrier mechanism will be inflicted - it will not be perceived and, therefore, will not have any influence. The grounds for protection are various signs.

Do not imagine these barriers to communications as a result of conscious, arbitrary and directional protection against impact. In real communication, the barriers are present in the form of independent mechanisms, which are given to a person to protect, but their valid nature is not known to him.

The system of barriers can be imagined as automated protection - when the alarm is triggered, all approaches to person are automatically blocked. However, other options are also possible - false alarm and alarm disabling.

In many cases, the lack of misunderstanding barriers can serve a man's bad service when there is nothing threatening or dangerous in the effects, and the false response of alarm leads to the fact that the necessary and current information is not perceived ("Nobody's unauthorized" person will not listen). The protection system is not realized.

The opposite situation is the "Disable" protection. It is important to emphasize that all the listed barriers can be characterized as external in the sense that they include a dishellion filter, which does not pass the effects of the "inside" of a person, they guard the world of man outside. What happens if these external barriers are disabled or did not work in time? In this case, a person trusts the interlocutor, which means that the impact will take place, and you can hope for effective communication.

The best example of achieving the enormous efficiency of the impact of one person to another is hypnosis.

It is obvious that, in addition to external barriers, there are still some internal protection, which determine the attitude of a person to the already accepted and understand, but at the same time unpleasant, dangerous information.

Domestic barriers are some inner obstacles against the information that threatens the strong restructuring of all the representations of a person, his behavior.

It is clear that the information threatening the restructuring of the presentation of the world meets resistance. It can either "throw away" or give it another value. This can be done in different ways.

First, unpleasant, dangerous information can be "avoided" - it can be forgotten, to put down somewhere away, so as not to meet with it. So you can avoid memories of some kind of non-residential act, avoid reflections on dangerous topics, etc.

Secondly, having received dangerous information, you can "rearly" to reduce the authority of the source. Thus, the importance of information is reduced, it is even easier to forget.

Thirdly, it is possible to undergo in question with different levels of misunderstanding, and also rear.

Consequently, even if communication occurs on the background of confidence in the interlocutor, counterplow still may occur, but not as an external barrier, but as a way to reduce the significance of unpleasant information. If we want to increase efficiency, you need to strive for our words, our words have a double margin of durability that would have enough not only to overcome external barriers, but also in order not to work internal protection.

Here are a few considerations, following which will help to avoid the occurrence of psychological barriers and protective reactions of the other side.

Do not apologize for addressing the partner with a request to avoid the concessionly adsissal form of communication. When you start the phrase with an apology, then you tell me the partner that there is something uncomfortable in your request or unprofitable for him. That is, apology from the very beginning carries the expectation of a negative reaction from the opponent. And there is a high probability to get it in response to your offer.

Take responsibility, do not dump the guilt on other or circumstances, otherwise, the interlocutor will begin to doubt your ability to really evaluate events.

Perform self-control when you start feeling irritation or impatience. As soon as you begin to show signs of irritation, the partner begins to expect a negative protective reaction from you.

Avoid rudeness, neutacticity, arrogance, mentor tone. Do not forget about your own dignity of your partner.

Strive to create an atmosphere of openness and objectivity. Do not mislead a partner.

No need to underestimate partner intelligence. Never consider yourself smarter companion. You can never fully hide the patronage condesception to the partner if she "sits" in your head. It will be transmitted by non-verbal signs of your behavior.

Do not drive the interlocutor in the corner. Giving a partner maneuver, allowing him to retreat, keeping his face and self-esteem, you do not lose anything, but only acquire or strengthen psychological contact, confidence in yourself.

Go from open confrontation. Restore from prematurely providing psychological impact, accession with a partner in a dispute situation.

Do not use Knowledge of human weaknesses.

Do not remind Constantly about old sins.

Do not attempt to get away from an unpleasant topic, Interrupting the dialogue, removing from the room, ignoring the words addressed to you, confusing the interlocutor or giving an indicative vow of silence. Usually it insults people and causes irritation, dislike.

Continuous grilling Calls only annoyance and protest.

Negative labels (insignificant, lazy, etc.) and personal insults give rise to offense and indignation. The constant mention of human deficiencies deprive his faith in itself. In addition, regular mention of valid or imaginary character traits may result in its appearance or strengthening.

Direct accusations And attempts to call the interlocutor, the feeling of guilt give rise to protest and the desire to answer the same. Remember: No one and nothing can make you feel guilty, insult, anger - you and only you are responsible for your own feelings.

Position "I'm right, and you - no" prevents the desire to achieve a compromise. Remember that your understanding of the situation is not the only possible.

Requirements and ultimatums Often lead a person into rage or causes a protest. Never threaten or hinting on possible terrible measures, trying to force a person to cooperate.

Exaggerated generalizations With the use of such words, as always, everything, forever exaggerate the importance of what is happening or committed by a person, condemning it.

Do not let yourself Too often interrupt the interlocutor, especially if a person is engaged in a detailed description of his feelings.

Abundance of questionsusually annoying other people. In addition, an excess of issues in certain situations may be regarded as a lack of confidence.

Correct the criticism correctly. Criticism causes offense and psychological protection. Overcoming the resentment and understanding of the shortcomings - the opening of the path for personal growth. People respectfully relate to those who take criticism calmly and knows how to learn with her help. Special attention should be paid to those comments that are often repeated in critical reviews of people. Getting another portion of criticism, make sure that you correctly understood the meaning of the comments. Be open, listen carefully and do not be afraid to ask questions. If the opponent expresses naked statements, ask to bring examples of your actions that caused these comments. Criticism can be sharp and offensive in shape. But you need to pay more attention to the content. Critical has the right to protect its provisions and positions. But it is impossible to distort objectively existing facts to protect their position.

Of course, not every criticism is useful. Try to unbialy analyze the motives of those who criticize you.