home In contact with What to do if there is no respect at work. And he made me respect myself. How to get the location of the authorities. Don't smile during serious conversations

What to do if there is no respect at work. And he made me respect myself. How to get the location of the authorities. Don't smile during serious conversations

New position, a separate office, your own staff of subordinates and the “halo” of the leader above his proudly raised head ... You acquired all these privileged powers quite recently, having received a place in administrative department and automatically replenishing the number of the “chosen tower” of their company. But before you had time to move away from the weightless state of euphoria and headache from yesterday's celebration in honor of the promotion, as a fly in the ointment literally fell into a barrel of honey in the form of problems with subordinates who launched whole battles in the department, openly or secretly refusing to accept the identity of the new boss .

The "rebels" ignore orders, dispute information, hinting at its unreliability, criticize management methods, demonstrating their unwillingness to obey with their whole appearance. At first, not all newly minted leaders decide on punitive operations in the form of fines, dismissals and breaking the windows of cars of their subordinates on a dark night (this is, of course, an exaggeration, but what the hell is not joking), and the invisible war drags on indefinitely. An unwanted boss rushes for advice to more experienced colleagues or explores the bowels of the Internet in order to find a way and become a worthy leader. Consider what is advised in similar cases psychologists.

The thin line between twig and gingerbread

The very first and, perhaps, the main rule - whatever the management method, it should not harm either the employee or the workflow. No matter how much you read the literature on this topic, watched training videos, heard plenty of conflicting advice from colleagues during lunch, your management style should not blindly copy the instructions printed in books and voiced by experienced leaders. The psychology of managing people in your interpretation should carry individual imprints of nature, natural character traits, honed by the ability to control your emotions, and your own experience of the path traveled from the bottom to the top of the hierarchical ladder. Your attitude towards subordinates should be exactly what you expected from your boss, sitting in the chair of an ordinary clerk. Try to find a middle ground between a vicious, picky bore who refuses to choke out even the sound of praise, and a soft-spoken follower boss who hesitates to show his displeasure.

"Veto" of the head, or what should not be done

Before you find the desired answer and an effective method of how to subdue your subordinates, you should familiarize yourself with the list of prohibited actions, the violation of which will characterize you as an extremely unpleasant and ill-mannered tyrant boss:

Transition to personality. Analysis of the personal, unrelated qualities of an employee is a sure way to turn the team against yourself.
Raised tone, turning into a scream. Wild op will not frighten employees and force them to obey, moreover, by such behavior you will demonstrate your weakness and inability to restrain emotions, and therefore manage.
Regular self-praise and demonstration of self-importance. A boss who praises only himself and does not miss the opportunity to brag about his successes, to show how significant his figure is for the company, will never be able to arouse respect and support from the team entrusted to him, and even more so admiration.
Violation of the working day by the right of entering the number of "masters". If the manager allows himself actions related to the category of those prohibited by him (in the form of endless telephone conversations with his crush, using headphones, surf the internet, Skype for non-work matters, snacking in the department), subordinate employees will soon start to follow his example, quickly turning official bans into formal ones.
Sluggish performance, disinterest in the result, lack of bright ideas and initiative. Like the boss, like the employees. A leader who does not advocate for his own enterprise will in any case infect the people who follow him with his indifference.

Categories of management, tricks and tricks

Despite the versatility, the practical psychology of managing people is divided into two categories:

The path to success, sitting astride the neck of subordinates, or Techniques of an insensitive leader.
The path to success as a winner is in the hands of subordinates, or the Power of inspiration.

The leader chooses the appropriate tactics - depending on personal qualities, his own experience and attitude towards people in general.

Manipulation

Quality manipulation covert control implies a clever, cunning, aimed at achieving one's own goals impact on a person. In rare cases ultimate goals are good, but manipulation, by its nature, is nothing more than an act of influencing people, imperceptibly forcing them to make unfavorable decisions. Its main difference from voluntary submission is that a person is simply not left with a choice to choose a path other than the one imposed.

In our case, the concept under consideration, depending on the nature of the leader, can be used to achieve their own selfish goals or for the benefit of the company. Management of subordinates on the principle of manipulation includes skillfully caused resentment, anger, fear, guilt.

Resentment, anger

Thrown casually or directly by the head of an unflattering phrase regarding business qualities an employee against the backdrop of extensive praise from another subordinate in 9 cases out of 10 achieves the goal, and all thanks to the inherent sense of rivalry in people. The pep talk goes something like this: “Petrov did a great job, but you can’t do that, can you?” or “You are no match for Petrov!”, Or “You are not capable of anything, but Petrov!” The cocktail of explosive feelings that has overwhelmed the employee - anger, resentment, the desire to demonstrate his abilities and prove that he, too, can and can do a lot - pushes the manipulated person to perform a variety of tasks. Without thinking about the nature of their actions, the subordinate, without knowing it, contributes to the embodiment of the ideas of the boss.

Fear

It is impossible to accurately determine the nature of fear of superiors: it can be caused by the authority of a despot leader, the weak will of a subordinate, or intimidation in the form: “For disobedience and failure to complete the assigned tasks - dismissal!” A couple of intimidations, ending with the calculation of obstinate workers to confirm the words, will have the desired effect: employees who value their place will follow the lead of the boss. Only in this case, the relationship between the manager and the subordinate will be based not on respect, dedication for the sake of the enterprise, but on the banal fear of losing a job.

Guilt

Covert management based on guilt includes methods in which the boss announces the deprivation of all employees of the department of bonuses or vacations due to the poor performance of one of them; or one employee is left without a bonus (vacation) due to insufficient zeal of the others. Guilt-based pressure-taking aims to induce motivation to work better so as not to let others down.

The psychology of managing people, based on skillful provocation, is able to give the intended results, but is applicable in cases where hidden influence is necessary for good purposes, and not for one's own self-interest, using other people's forces and resources.

Positive influence

To become a good leader, you need to realize that your behavior, actions and relationships with subordinates directly affect the microclimate of the department, the attitude of employees to work and the effectiveness of tasks performed. The leader must be able to take responsibility, inspire his team, infect them with his enthusiasm, set an example and be an ideal for them. A great leader is not the one who causes animal fear in subordinates, suppresses and provokes conflicts. The true leader is the one who, knowing the psychology of each employee, his aspirations, values and desires, directs the flow of energy in the right direction. For him, there are no classes “boss and subordinate”, he gives himself to work so much that he cannot but arouse admiration, he is loved, appreciated, respected by everyone and readily follows him.

Praise, flattery, encouragement

It is no secret that any person needs regular praise, encouragement and approval of their actions. The leader is the one who can give what his subordinates want. Deserved praise, a system of rewarding the best employees, recognition of their achievements is an effective tool for gaining trust, respect for the team and inspiring it to even more brilliant results.

An effective method of management is also advance praise, when the boss expresses gratitude to the subordinate in advance, for example: “I decided to entrust this task to you, since only you will be able to cope with it.” Encouraged and grateful employee (or how: “The boss considers me the best, and I just can’t let him down!”) Performs the assignment with redoubled zeal and diligence. In this case, the boss, who clearly knows how to subjugate his subordinates, with one shot puts two birds with one stone: he achieves excellent performance of the task and increases the number of people devoted to him.

Art of inspiration

It is important to be able to direct many people with different goals, different degrees of performance and skills on a single path. To do this, it is necessary to find an individual approach to each team member, find out his aspirations and motives, and, based on this, develop motivation. After all, when the motives are clear, it is easier to move forward, turning a scattered crowd into a strong, friendly team aimed at the final result. The leader must not only be able to inspire, but also maintain a fighting mood, go against the wind, inflating faith in indispensable success when hands involuntarily give up ... In addition, one of the excellent qualities of the boss in his arsenal is the ability to effectively and quickly resolve quarrels between employees without prejudice for both sides. And the conflict "manager-subordinate" in a professional leader happens only once - at the very beginning of a managerial career, and then not always.

Competence

Subordinates often pay attention to how competent their boss is in the area entrusted to him, whether he has the necessary knowledge and skills. You must be ready for careful assessment, close interest and detailed analysis of your abilities by your charges. Therefore, you just need to know almost everything about your activities, constantly improve and replenish your knowledge base. In the eyes of the team, the leader is the embodiment of perfection, genius and a bright, non-standard mind, otherwise how did he manage to achieve this position? You don’t want to disappoint your employees, much less feel like an unworthy leader by regularly turning to them for help in matters unfamiliar to you, do you? Study, analyze and constantly learn to become an ace in your field, without dumping your own responsibilities on employees, otherwise what is the meaning of the concepts of "leader" and "subordinate"?

Contact by name

Take the advice of the famous psychologist D. Carnegie, who claimed that the name is the sweetest sound for us. Addressing by name increases the importance of a person in one's own eyes and inspires confidence in the interlocutor. Call your subordinates not by their last names, nicknames, but strictly by their first names, and in no case confuse or distort it. This simple technique guarantees you the location and respect of others.

Listening is also an art

Learn to listen carefully to the interlocutor, keeping an expression of polite interest on your face, without a hint of impatience or, even worse, indifference. In the event that you do not agree with his words, do not rush to interrupt the conversation with your arguments. Listen to the employee to the end, note the value of his opinion, and only then express your vision of this issue. The ability to listen and reckon with the opinion of subordinates will only raise your authority and win the respect of the team.

By applying the methods and tips described above in your own, you will understand how to subjugate your subordinates, and perhaps become one of the best leaders of our time.

We all dream of owning our own business, but not everyone is so lucky. And if you are not one of these lucky ones, then you probably have a boss who does not suit you in some way. This is the law of the genre. If you are even a little lucky and your boss is not a fiend, then there are many ways to win his favor. And here are some of them.

Be a nice person

Make yourself irreplaceable

This phrase that you have heard more than once is absolutely true: if you are the person without whom the work is worth, then you are much closer to promotions, bonuses and other cool things than the rest. Think and say, are you an indispensable worker? If not, then it's time to move in that direction. Work on the most important projects, learn what makes you stand out from the rest. Extra education hasn't hurt anyone yet.

Leadership priorities are your priorities

Make everything important to you that is important to your boss. Talk to him about work, get his opinion and let him feel that your work interests are the same. They don't have to be the same, but be sure you know your boss's priorities and know how to implement them.

Keep him posted

Needless to say, your boss will not like it if you do not show him at least occasionally and keep him informed of all events. It might even be worth sending him regular progress reports. This is necessary not only in order to amuse his pride, but also in order to show how productive you are.

Solve the problem before your boss does it

No one is perfect, and your superiors most likely understand this. But if you can fix the problem without disturbing your boss, you will look much better in his eyes. A sure way to achieve this is to keep a work journal that records everything you work on, and then evaluate yourself from the authorities. With a bit of luck, you will see the problem and be able to solve it before it alarms those above.

Be prepared to apologize for your mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, and you are no exception. If this does happen, be prepared to apologize. .

"I was wrong. It's my fault. I'll fix it. I made a mistake". These are all examples of wrong apologies.

In these cases, you make yourself the center. A much better option would be to shift the focus to the interlocutor, or rather to the one who suffered because of your mistake. Ask yourself the question: “Who am I talking to and what does this person want to hear from me?” By answering it, you will understand how to build your apology.

Earn Respect

For some reason, many people think that being a punching bag is The best way like the management. I hope you understand that this is not the case. This may work in some cases (if your boss had a tough childhood), but the best way to win the love of your boss is to earn real respect. This means working hard, avoiding office gossip and talking about nothing, and accepting adequate criticism. Being a nice person (first point) is also correct, but they are two fundamentally different approaches. If you do not give offense and respect yourself, then your superiors will do the same.

Master the art of looking busy

Sometimes, in order to be ahead, you need to apply a little trick. And in our case, that means becoming a master at the art of looking busy even when you're not. We're not talking about shirking work or lying. But you have to let your boss know that you are a busy person and constantly working on something.

Give helpful feedback

Again, if your boss is not a fiend, then he will only be happy with an honest one. But when asked about it, don't try to pour out all your complaints. Find out exactly what your boss needs. Don't conform to him and don't say what he wants to hear. If he needs to know how he's doing new project, do not try to talk about how his team spends too much time at lunch. You're not a snitch, are you?

Do the job 100%. Even if you hate your boss

Sometimes it doesn't matter how you do your job. A bad boss won't get any better. If you have such a situation, you are really sorry. In this case best advice will build up armor and not pay too much attention to tantrums, unjustified criticism and attacks from superiors.

And the most important thing! Don't let me get into your personal life. Don't take work home and don't take it out on the people around you. Instead, think about how you can improve your situation. Or maybe even her?

Be a nice person

Make yourself irreplaceable

Leadership priorities are your priorities

Keep him posted

Solve the problem before your boss does it

Be prepared to apologize for your mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, and you are no exception. If this does happen, be prepared to apologize. .

"I was wrong. It's my fault. I'll fix it. I made a mistake". These are all examples of wrong apologies.

Earn Respect

For some reason, many people think that being a punching bag is the best way to please management. I hope you understand that this is not the case. This may work in some cases (if your boss had a tough childhood), but the best way to win the love of your boss is to earn real respect. This means working hard, avoiding office gossip and talking about nothing, and accepting adequate criticism. Being a nice person (first point) is also correct, but they are two fundamentally different approaches. If you do not give offense and respect yourself, then your superiors will do the same.

Master the art of looking busy

Give helpful feedback

Again, if your boss is not a fiend, then he will only be happy with an honest one. But when asked about it, don't try to pour out all your complaints. Find out exactly what your boss needs. Don't conform to him and don't say what he wants to hear. If he needs to know how a new project is going, don't try to tell him that his team spends too much time at lunch. You're not a snitch, are you?

Do the job 100%. Even if you hate your boss

Sometimes it doesn't matter how you do your job. A bad boss won't get any better. If you have such a situation, you are really sorry. In this case, the best advice would be to build up armor and not pay too much attention to tantrums, unjustified criticism and attacks from superiors.

We all want to be valued and considered indispensable at work. But respect is not a given - it must be earned. No matter how long (or recently) you've been with your manager, what can you do to make your manager appreciate your input? What is the best way to earn his or her trust? And how do you earn respect if you feel like you lack it?

What the experts say

A recent HBR study of nearly 20,000 employees worldwide found that the most important thing employees want from leaders is respect. “If you don't feel respected, you won't put your heart and soul into your work,” says Linda Hill, a professor at Harvard Business School and co-author of It's Hard to Be the Boss. Successful Leadership Models. According to Michael Watkins, chairman of Genesis Advisers and professor at IMD, manager-manager respect comes in many forms. It starts with you being seen as "a person who should definitely be kept on your team." Then you are thought of as an employee who deserves "interesting and challenging assignments" and finally as a subordinate whom the manager "wants to promote and develop because he is confident in his brilliant future." Wanting respect is one thing, getting it is quite another. Here are some possible strategies.

Be clear about your responsibilities

The first step in scoring your boss is, of course, doing your job and doing it well. To achieve this, you must be "clear about what your most important" assignments are and "how they fit into your boss's agenda," says Watkins. In the first days and weeks on new job he suggests asking your supervisor, "What do I need to learn and how can I do it the fastest?" Then you need to do everything in your power "to show that you are gaining momentum quickly," he says. “When people think of you that you are easily trained, this can be a big plus for your credit of trust.” Even if you've been in a position for a long time, you should regularly clarify your role and core responsibilities, Hill says. "Your goal is to stay on the same wavelength as your boss so you know where to focus your time and attention," she states.

Adjust

To become a valued and trusted employee, you need to “figure out the best way to connect with your boss,” says Watkins. “It is your responsibility to adjust your style to his.” Ask your manager what type of communication he prefers. What's better: Email, text messages or face-to-face meetings? How often does he want to communicate with you? Once a week? Once a day? Only as needed? Ask how much he wants to go into details. Does he want you to be primarily guided by analytics or intuition? If you and your boss don't match in style (you check your mailbox every hour and she doesn't open it for several days), you should initiate "a frank conversation in which each side explains their behavior," says Hill. “Help your manager understand your point of view and the challenges of changing style,” as far as your ability to work productively is concerned. “Discuss the situation and make a joint decision about what you will do about it,” she says.

Be observant and empathetic

To earn a boss's respect, "you need to understand what's important to them," Hill explains. She recommends paying serious attention to "your boss's priorities and concerns." And make them your priorities not out of obsequiousness, but by showing empathy. It's also important for you to remember that "your manager is looking for evidence that you can be trusted - that he can rely on you," says Hill. Try to figure out how to earn his trust "and create the conditions for your success" by making careful observations. Develop your understanding of your organization's "priorities, constraints, and internal politics" by finding out who the boss trusts, who he listens to, and where tensions arise. Your goal is not to get involved in undercover games, but to "understand the political moments."

Build relationships with other people

Dissent (politely and one on one)

“You don't earn respect by avoiding conflict with your boss,” Hill says. - The boss must be sure that you are behind him, "but at the same time, he needs to know when" the king is naked. For example, if you are convinced that your team will not be able to complete the project within the time frame suggested by the boss, tell him about it - in a personal conversation and politely. Do not bring this news to the manager in front of everyone - it may look like disloyalty. Hill advises treating your relationship as a partnership. "If you and I are partners, you will keep me from making a mistake." After all, "you have access to information other than the boss's" which makes your opinion and point of view highly valuable. “You need to be brave enough to bring your disagreement to your boss.”

Ask for feedback

No matter how great your results are, you can't force your boss to recognize your accomplishments. According to Watkins, some executives are simply not inclined to do this. "The recognition you get will be an exact product of the quality of your work and your boss's propensity to recognize accomplishments," he says. Still, even if your manager tends to be more reserved in his evaluations, there is a difference between "public recognition of your achievements" and "honest and frank feedback about how productive you are." You have to ask your boss, “How am I doing? What should I do more and what should I do less? Watkins argues that, in particular, new employees "often get less feedback at first because there is some reluctance" to criticize someone who is just "getting on their feet." “As a result, people can easily get on the wrong track.”

think about it

“It's not very pleasant when you are not respected,” says Hill. “If it seems to you that your rights are being infringed upon and your manager does not respect you as a person,” this is a problem that needs to be brought to the attention of the HR department. But don't jump to conclusions, she advises. It is possible that the boss argues with you and doubts not out of a lack of respect, but "because he does not fully understand what you have to deal with." In this case, she says, it's up to you to "educate your boss" and "teach him all the cards" about the peculiarities of your work and the difficulties associated with it. “Your boss can't read minds. Both of you are responsible for making your relationship work, Watkins concludes. “You should not start the situation so that it doesn’t get to the point where you are already banging your fist on the table and demanding respect.” But if you don't feel valued, he advises asking yourself why. “Ask yourself: am I doing a good enough job? Maybe I'm acting obsequious? Have I set the necessary boundaries? Everything starts with you."

Principles to Remember

What to do:

Adjust your style of work and communication to the style of your manager.
Lend a helping hand to your colleagues. The most useful question you can ask is "How can I help?".
Build a partnership with your boss. You have a shared responsibility for making the relationship work.

What not to do:

Don't be discouraged if your boss doesn't give you public recognition. Instead, ask for feedback using the question “What should I do more and what should I do less?”.
Do not neglect the internal politics and culture of your organization; find out who the boss trusts, who he listens to, and where the main frictions happen.
Don't avoid conflict with your boss. If you do not agree, say so - in a personal conversation and politely.

Case #1: Understand Your Boss' Priorities and Adjust to His Communication Style

When Whitney McCarthy started as communications manager at Rizepoint, a Salt Lake City-based compliance software company, she was determined to work hard and earn the respect of a boss we'll call Lucy.

Whitney's first priority was to be clear about what her duties were. On her first day on the job, Lucy gave Whitney a long list that explained the six main points of her job and the actions she needed to take immediately. “This note has been my guiding light and every month, with Lucy's help, I update it in the same six-point format,” says Whitney.

Lucy also held a meeting with Whitney and the rest of the team. “The goal was to discuss which area each of us is responsible for in order to avoid confusion about the budget and expected results,” she says.

Whitney's second priority became to quickly "get high" in priority areas—which included public relations, in which she had very little experience. Whitney had a lot to learn, and she wanted to show how quickly she grasps information. She subscribed to an online PR magazine, downloaded state acts on the topic, and carefully studied the PR strategies of other software companies.

“My goal was not to ask Lucy a lot of questions,” she says. - I demonstrated my new knowledge: I created a press release a few weeks after joining and presented it to the CEO ready plan in public relations in his first month."

Another point in Whitney's plan was to figure out how best to work with Lucy. She asked Lucy about her preferred communication style and what information she would like to know about Whitney's work. Whitney then tried to fit in with her boss. “Those details that Lucy didn’t want to delve into (like posts on social networks), I tried to make sure to include in the weekly productivity report so that she had a general idea of \u200b\u200bthe results of my work,” she says.

To find out what style of communication with Lucy is preferable, Whitney asked colleagues who have worked with the boss for a long time. "They gave me some useful tips- for example, this: if you come to her to discuss a problem, it is better to already have a proposal on hand to solve it.

Whitney is sure she has earned Lucy's respect. Three times the boss noted in a letter how pleasant she was to work together; Whitney always receives the maximum bonus (depending on Lucy's decision), and also won the "Most Valuable Player" title in her first quarter with the company.

Case #2: Show your boss they can rely on you and be open to feedback

Karen Schneider, a project manager in the alcohol industry, says she always earns her boss's respect by finding as many ways to be helpful as possible. "My job is to make life easier for my boss, first of all by doing a good job, of course, but also by relieving stress where possible."

At her last job, Karen's boss, Susan, held weekly face-to-face meetings with her subordinates. Karen always knew when Susan had some problems that Karen could help solve, that is, the leader was sure that she could always count on her. Very often, the boss's answer was yes. “And even if there were no assignments, I know that my willingness to help was highly appreciated,” she says. “Susan knew she could count on me, that I was eager to learn a lot.”

Karen also actively sought feedback from Susan. “For the first two or three weeks in a new place, I asked for it at the end of each week, and as time went on, we began to meet once a month,” she explains. “My success is in my hands, and I felt that Susan liked my enthusiasm and that she respected me even more for it.”

One day, Susan gave Karen constructive criticism about how the project was being managed. “It was done in a kind way that allowed me to see the potential to do a better job in the future,” she says.

Karen was grateful to Susan and tried to take her input into the next project. "It's important to take criticism as openly as praise, and that's how I think I've earned Susan's recognition."

Karen says that Susan often personally thanked her for her work on specific projects, and once even gave her a gift for a special Good work. "It's not like I'm being trumpeted throughout the organization, but the recognition of my accomplishments meant a lot to me," she says.

Rebecca Knight

Career and Self-development

Keywords:

1 -1

How often does it happen that people treat each other disrespectfully, “get on their heads”, insult and even humiliate! In every large team, there is always someone who is not respected, whose opinion they are not interested in, they are used in their own interests. At a younger age, such children become outcasts, they are openly mocked, in their youth they become the ones who are constantly sent to the store for another can of beer, and in maturity such a person is simply ignored.

If that person is you, it's time to make a change! How can you make yourself respected? There are many options that most people resort to. And declare yourself, demonstrate your strengths trying to earn respect from the environment. And learn to stand up for yourself, responding with sharp remarks to their offensive phrases. And pay no attention. But it doesn't work! Why? Because there are several rules that come into play:

People treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
People treat us the way we treat ourselves.

These two rules work in unison, so it's useless to try to work on the first one alone. And all the options that were listed above relate precisely to trying not to allow people to treat us that way.

Remember, if you consider yourself unworthy, others will consider you unworthy.

If you consider yourself ugly, others will see all kinds of flaws in you and will be blind to your virtues.

If you think and speak badly about yourself, constantly criticize yourself and thereby humiliate yourself in your own eyes, then people will think badly about you, discuss, condemn and respond unflatteringly.

If you hurt yourself, tormented by guilt or a sense of your own inferiority, then others will hurt you, giving you even more opportunities to torment yourself.

If you do not accept yourself for who you are, no one will accept you, people will avoid communicating with you.

If you do not love yourself, do not value and do not respect, others will not be able to love, appreciate and respect you.

Everything that you want to receive from the outer world must first be taken from the inner world. And only when you raise your bar in your own eyes, start to take care of your body and soul, then you will notice changes in relations with people. This applies to peers, and older people, and your gender and the opposite. The answer to the question: "How to make yourself respected?" - Start respecting yourself.

One of my friends was in a relationship with her boyfriend. He was a drug addict, lived in her apartment on her money. And he constantly stole something without admitting it. But she knew that it was him, because she had seen with her own eyes more than once how he takes the gold out of the apartment. And she let him do it. “I love him, only I can help him,” she cried, “He will be lost without me.” Would a girl who had self-respect would endure such humiliation? No. Would a girl who values herself even get involved with a drug addict? No. And the phrase "love is evil - you will love a goat" does not work here. "Goat" can only fall in love with a girl with low self-esteem.

Do you want to argue? Good. Imagine that you are walking past a trash can where a bum is rummaging. This bum is dirty, smelly, albeit young. Can you fall in love with him? No. And why? Because it would not even occur to you to look at him, to start a dialogue with him. You simply will not give life the opportunity of this meeting. This is below your dignity, this is not your level. Right? The same rule applies in other cases. When a girl respects herself, she will not look at someone who can offend her.

If we are not talking about the relationship between a man and a woman, but about a team where, for example, you are not respected, then the same rule applies here. Fear is born in your soul, people feel it, and you become a “scapegoat” for them. A person who values and respects himself, fear is not born. Fear is just a consequence of dislike and disrespect for yourself. But fear is something that is felt on a non-verbal level.

Why are there such children who become outcasts in any collectives? Because they have fear. And others feel it. Like dogs. You know that you shouldn't be afraid of a dog, otherwise it might attack? Even if outwardly you will not show her that you are afraid. She just feels your fear. It's the same with children. They rush at the one who is afraid, and peck, peck. And here the point is not at all, but in fear.

Fear is born from self-doubt, from low self-esteem. Therefore, you need to respect yourself and then other people will treat you quite differently.